(In honor of the total manliness of this post…the following is brought to you in caveman-speak.)
Jeff very manly. Me do man thing.
Me fix toilet all by self.
Toilet not shut off right. Me fix. All by self.
Me mess with toilet thing late into night other night, figure out why not shut off right. Problem with ballcock. Need new ballcock.
(No laugh. Me not name these things. That what it called.)
Me go to big blue building where man buy manly things. Women there, too. Me okay with that–me not shovenist cheauxvenist chouv–me okay with that.
Anyway.
Me buy new, um, part for toilet.
Me read directions. Remove old part. Use big man-wrench. It stuck, but me strong. Me get old part to let go. Me put new part in, tighten. Me flush toilet, check for leaks. No leaks.
Toilet fixed.
You understand. Jeff not toilet-fix kind of guy. Me read-book, write-blog, play-music, write-pretty-songs kind of guy.
Me very proud of man thing me do.
Me go tell Wild-One wife about man thing me do. Me figure me impress wife with great feat of strength. Make wife lovey-lovey for Jeff for doing man thing.
Me go to kitchen, tell wife…
ME: “Hey, honey. I fixed the toilet. All by myself.”
WIFE: “Dinner’s ready.”
ME: …
Harmph. Next time me impress wife with pretty song. Let toilet go to heck.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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In best Tim Allen voice:
“Huh! Huh! Huh!”
Jeff, follow up is cold beer followed by watching UFC and scratching…..and you blew it with the “heck” at the end. Sigh…showing you still have much to learn. But that is ok. I’m afraid we would not read you much if you always spoke like this.
I’ve fixed that before too. Me use paperclip!
“I don’t think so, Jim.” (Spoken in flannel.) 😀
Barb,
I am scratching right now…scratching my head wondering what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks you’re talking about right now. 😉
I’m sorry to have disappointed…would it have helped if I stopped using deodorant? Maybe threw in a bit of belching and flatulation here and there?
Or is “flatulation” a no-no word, too? Dude, I really need to stop watching those reruns of “Frasier.”
🙂
Karen,
Paper clip girly girl fix. New ballcock and big wrench–now THAT man fix.
Man use paper clip to clean nose, not fix toilet. (See, Barb? Me get better and better at this. Please no stop reading.)
Jeff,
Ha ha ha! Me love this!
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
Don’t forget using your keys to clean out your ears when you go back and forth to the store!
Hilarious! 😀
Me want Jeff to come over do stuff at my place..
I’ve done the whole ball**** thing before. What’s really fun is replacing the pipe and the fittings that come from the wall into the toilet. Just remember to turn the water off. I tried to tighten the fitting and ended up unscrewing the other nut and the water came out with such pressure that I couldn’t put the fitting back on. I had to wait until my father could come with a special wrench and turn the water off at the main inlet out in the front yard. Both of our kids had friends over and they all really enjoyed it. I did not.
Me have sink drain thingy not work. Jeff come fix. Me give Jeff big man adult drink. Me serve Pizza.
Amy & Sarah,
Thanks. 🙂
M-I-T,
I'm trying to picture how you clean your ears with your keys, when the keys are making the car go…???
Kansas Bob,
No you don't. Trust me on this.
Co-heir,
When it come to pipe in wall, me call plumber. Or landlady.
Steve,
Good idea. Me bring big caveman club. Fix sink drain thingy good–and anything else that happen to be in swinging range. Then adult drinks and pizza. (And UFC and scratching…Barb say manly man have to do that.)
I fixed my toilet all by myself today too, with a little coaching from the Home Depot employee who told me what to do.
I think its cute how you males need praise for everything little you do, I try to make a big deal and get excited whenever a boyfriend shares an accomplishment such as fixing something 🙂
What’s up with that?????
Prodigaldaughter,
What mean “little thing man do”?
Me not go to orange store where people tell what to do. Me go to BLUE store where people know nothing. Figure out fix all by self.
Harmph. Apparently Prodigaldaughter would not know manly man if he drag her by the hair.
😛
😉