(If you’re just tuning in, you might want to start with part 1–please especially note the disclaimer at the beginning.)
My son The Director entered his teen years during the season I described in the last post, when I felt the need to be especially careful about what came into my home that might invite demonic attack.
I could probably just end the post there and let you connect the dots. 🙂 But I still feel like writing…
Early in his life we were able to shelter him more, to filter the music he listened to, the television shows he watched–and to his credit, he has also filtered his own life because of his strong moral compass. But eventually he began gravitating to music and bands I knew not of–and of course that made me uneasy. For the most part, he didn’t sneak stuff past us; when he related to something musically, he tried to share it with us and let us know why he was drawn to it. So I found myself cramming to read up on bands and lyrics for awhile–because I knew not only would it be unfair to say “no” as a default, I wanted to be able to explain why, if we did have to put our foot down on something. (“Because I said so” carries less and less weight as children grow into adults.)
I had mixed emotions about one band in particular that The Director really liked, not because the content was filthy, or demonic, or anything like that–it was just that it focused on a lot of negative emotions. The word I used to describe the bands songs was dark. (Ironically, and even frustratingly–I actually liked the music myself!) Yet, because I couldn’t find anything tangibly, morally wrong with the songs he liked, I remember reluctantly telling him it was okay, but sharing my concerns about how “dark” the music was, and advising caution. He had been such a happy kid, and I didn’t understand why he was drawn to the darkness. (Later, I understood that he had been grappling with a lot of angst, and those songs actually gave his feelings a voice, and helped to bring healing to him.)
Nowadays, those songs are on my own iPod, along with a lot of other stuff of his. 🙂
Looking at the difference in our lives between then and now, I’ve recently realized something about myself that unnerved me a little at first–but now I find almost amusing. I find that I am actually more drawn to the dark than I first realized. And really, so is my family. And this seems to be reflected in our various creative directions. The moment of truth really happened when a Christian friend, while admiring one of The Wild One’s fine art photos, also commented that it seemed a bit…”dark.”
I pondered that. And I saw the darkness in it. And I took a quick inventory of the two short films The Director is finishing up, and the songs I’ve been writing lately, and I found that they, too, were following darker themes.
But wait a minute. We’re Christians! Aren’t we supposed to be children of light, and all that? Why are we doing this dark stuff? Are we okay? Are we falling away?
I admit to brief moments of paranoia 🙂 But at the same time, I think it’s healthy to hear feedback like that and take an honest assessment. So when our friend mentioned the darkness in the theme, I asked myself the honest questions. Everyone has blind spots, and everyone is capable of getting off track.
But I looked at it…and I don’t think we are getting off track.
I think we Christians too often take our metaphors to the extreme, forgetting that every metaphor breaks down at some point. I think the idea of light and darkness is one of those themes that gets over-interpreted and ultra-processed and homogenized until it becomes almost a doctrine in itself…
Light is good; darkness is evil. Light is holy; darkness is sinful. Light and darkness battle in the heavenlies. Light always overcomes the darkness. People of God must not walk in the darkness, but be children of light. We are the light of the world. God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.
Most Christians would agree with these statements, especially with the ones that reference the Scriptures themselves. But do you see how non-specific these statements are, and how we can potentially interpret the heck out of them? We can take the light/darkness thing so literally that anything negative is something to be avoided. And Christians do, all the time. It’s what causes some Christians to assume that people who struggle with depression should “just get over it”, and if they can’t, demonic oppression must be involved–because depression is “dark.” It’s what causes our songs and our so-called creativity to be so mamby-pamby that nobody but religious Christians will relate. It’s what causes Christians to sometimes become paranoid over any negative thing they might say, so that any negative confession must be combated. And frankly, it’s what causes Christians to become uncomfortable with darker themes–that somehow those things are defiling. (I cringe at how I myself have over-interpreted this idea.)
I’ve come to realize that this sort of thing isn’t really walking in the light. It’s walking in denial.
Like I’ve said here, and numerous times before–every metaphor breaks down at some point. A metaphor can’t be an exact comparison; it only paints a picture to help us understand something intangible. And I think we forget that light and darkness in Scripture is a metaphor…that the Bible says “God is light” (1 John 1:5), but it also lets us know that God created light (Gen. 1:3). How are we going to reconcile these statements literally–did God create Himself?
I said in the last post I was going to try and explain the title of this series: “God Is In the Darkness.” But due to length, I’m going to have to save the specifics for the next post. (Sorry–I said I would try.) For now, though…let me offer another couple of Bible verses to chew on until the next post…some verses from Psalm 139 that have always messed with me when it came to my understanding of light and darkness…some verses that aid in the breaking down of this metaphor. Remember, this is in the same Bible that says “God is light”:
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, you are there….If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,” even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. (Ps. 139:7-8, 11-12, NASB)
Until next time….mwahahahaha… 🙂
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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I tend not to see or feel the "spirit" stuff…even drugs didn't work for me, I could never have been a medicine man. :}
I look for the natural explanation first…although I do believe in "Powers and Principalities"
Still…
Some times bad stuff happens cuz it just does…because..because.
Working in Hospice I had a conversation with a man. He mentioned to his Doctor that he was feeling depressed and really sad, so his Dr. prescribed an anti-depressant, well this man asked me if he should take it or not.
I replied…you are dying, you are leaving your family, it isn't unreasonable to be really incredibly sad about that.
I don't think his depression was a demon or even a chemical imbalance. He was just sad. About a sad situation, to me that seemed pretty healthy.
Kari,
"Just because" doesn't work in the minds of a lot of folks, especially when it's bad stuff, because there's something in us that needs to find purpose, I think. I do think that lots of it happens simply "because" we live in a fallen world, and part of the grieving process means we have to learn to get okay with the stuff we don't understand. Kind of the same conclusion you drew, just more complicated. 🙂
As for me…I would have been the medicine man nobody could trust. 😀
Thanks for the comment!
Oh, don't get me wrong. I am not too fond of the because answer myself. If I tend to shy away from God it is because I am sometimes uncomfortable with things I cannot understand. I fancy myself an intellectual.
I get worked up over the little things sometimes…like using the verse "Jesus Wept" for the wrong circumstances. (recently used as a propaganda slogan against the Iraq war) The POINT being, Jesus understood the pain of grief…and he cried about it…even knowing he was going to raise Lazarus, he still could relate to the pain of losing him.
It frustrates me to have to say "God is bigger than I can know." I find it difficult to articulate my christianity because it is a bit "feelings based" and I don't quite know how to explain that I know God loves me…(we are back to just because)
But back to the darkness, maybe some of the "darker" aspects of life are because of the fall, although of course night is not one of them. and yet we have trouble getting past the metaphor, because if badness is dark then dark is bad…it doesn't always work in the reverse.
Thanks for your blog.
Kari,
Thanks for your thoughts and your honesty; enjoying your input here.
I get what you're saying about the frustration thing–over being uncomfortable with things we don't understand and can't explain–and I think most of us grapple with that in some way. And I think a lot of dynamics come into play with it. Among them: we like to feel in control, and knowledge is power; we can control what we can understand. We also like to be independent (read: rebellious) and don't like having to submit to someone, or to admit that someone else has the advantage over us. (Not saying you and me particularly, but this stuff is in all of us.)
Both of these come down to an issue of faith, I think. Faith (trust) really means a willingness to lay down control (or to admit we never really had control to begin with), and to submit without a full understanding. Faith trumps both the rebellion and the need to control, yes?
I guess I'm rambling on to say you are not alone in your struggles here. I think to some extent, this is part of the discipleship process for all of us.
When we were still in the midst of traditional, evangelical church my husband loved his secular music, but always felt like he/we had to apologize for it. He and I wondered if it was "bad" but he knew he connected to it in a way that was deep in his spirit. And it was honest in a way that Christian music wasn't–how could that be bad?
Now I realize that emotions like anger and desire that are bashed by the institutional church are God given and need to be understood, valued and expressed. We can read of these things in books like Lamentations and Song of Solomon. And when the secular world tells about them, maybe they are seeing the things of God too.