How to Be an Emergent PoMo Pastor-Leader Person

1. Be immersed and well-versed in the PoMo culture. Wear turtlenecks. Buy organic. Avoid deodorant. Brood from time to time.
2. Drink designer coffee drinks, or herbal alternatives, and don’t buy into that fake McDonald’s barista crap. PoMos will see right through it.
3. Listen to alternative coffeehouse music. PoMos tend to be fluent in “Indie Band,” so memorize a few lesser-known band names, and possibly some lyrics in case someone wants to test your knowledge. MySpace Music and PureVolume are good website resources for this information. The lesser-known the band, the better. If you can’t think of any, make up a band name, like “The Ancient Futures” or something.
4. Wear tiny, squared-off glasses that make you look like you are perpetually squinting. If you are not visually impaired, you can either buy fake glasses, or stare directly into the sun until you actually need real ones.
5. Bleach the tips of your hair, and employ the “bed-head” look. Do NOT carry a comb, in case someone asks you for one to test your authenticity.
6. Write a blog, and use cuss words on it.
7. Convince a quorum of the evangelical community that you are a heretic. IMPORTANT: You do not need to change your theological views to accomplish this. Emergent leaders actually range from conservative to liberal. All you need to do is re-word your theological statements to make them sound a little more vague. For example: if you lean conservatively regarding the existence of hell, and salvation by Christ alone…then occasionally you should say something like, “The grace of Jesus Christ is big enough to embrace us all.” (It’s true, actually, but what does it mean?) Works like a charm; your fellow evangelicals will be denouncing you left and right before you know it. And an extra perk: PoMos don’t really want to know what you believe; they dig mystery.
8. If you have a church, either name it something in Greek or Latin, or incorporate the words “Mars” and “Hill” somewhere in it.
9. Wear jeans that cost at least $100. (MEK Jeans are great for this.) If you aren’t that rich, or feel badly about spending that much…a plausible alternative is to go the opposite direction: wear jeans bought from Goodwill or pulled out of a dumpster. You can even create this effect with jeans you currently own by spilling acid on them, throwing them in the dirt, and running them over several times with your car. The point of this exercise is to have jeans that look so ratty that they must have cost a fortune. (NOTE: this technique does not work on Arizona Jeans from J.C. Penney; they are perpetually uncool. *Sigh*)
10. Be under forty years of age. (Dang.) Or, if you are over 40, you must be balding, have a beard or gotee, constantly peer over a coffee mug, and look very, very wise.

Sigh. Well, I’m getting there, anyhow… 🙂

Wayward Son

Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo. I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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