This past weekend, as I worshiped with friends, I had a bit of a moment of truth.
Two moments of truth, actually. One right after the other.
During a prayer time, the leader invited people to speak aloud in prayer, starting with the phrase, “God, I love You because…” Voices spoke up from around the room, with things like:
“God, I love You because You forgive me.”
“God, I love You because You loved me first.”
“God, I love You because You are faithful.”
“God, I love You because You are with me always.”
It was sweet and meaningful…but something was gnawing at me, and then came the first moment of truth:
Every expression of love we were speaking to God was conditional. We were telling Him we love Him because of things He’s done for us. God, on the other hand, places no conditions on His love for us. He loves us because we exist; we can’t earn His love, nor is there anything we can do to make Him love us more–or love us less. He loves us “just because.”
So I was kind of cut to the quick over all this conditional love we were expressing–not to be critical of anyone praying, because I know it was heartfelt. I was about to say something like, “God, I love You just because You are.” Not to suggest I was more spiritual than the others (because I’m not) but just because I felt God shouldn’t have to meet any conditions for us to love Him. And then came the second moment of truth:
I couldn’t say it. Because it wasn’t true.
I realized, sadly, that if God hadn’t reached for me first, hadn’t showed me love first, I probably wouldn’t have much interest in Him. I love Him conditionally, even while He continues to love me unconditionally. In fact, like so many others, I struggle to understand what unconditional love is, and what it looks like, and how God so freely does it.
I understood in an instant how Peter must have felt after he denied Jesus, and Jesus asked him those three times afterward, “Do you love Me?” And Peter, knowing his own behavior had refuted his prior boasts of undying love, had to admit to Jesus, “I love You only as a friend.”
And you know? Jesus wasn’t offended with Peter for this admission. And He didn’t stop reaching out to Peter.
And He doesn’t stop reaching out to you and me, knowing full well that we don’t love Him the same way He loves us, nor do we have the capacity for it. He knows our frailties and weaknesses, and somehow He is able to love us joyfully and without regret.
I know it’s conditional to say it…but I love Him for this. 🙂 And I live in the hope that I will at some point love Him the way He does me.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Well said, my friend. We love him because he first loved us.
I remember when my daughter was born and I held her and this deep primitive love welled up in me and I cried, tears just pouring down my face because at that moment I realized how much my mother loved me…and how, even knowing what I had just realized about that…I could not love her back like that. It isn't a failing…I think we are built like that, so while we may not be able to love like God loves, that does not mean we cannot love. WE are conditional, relational beings. I am pretty sure that God is not surprised by that.
Even my overwhelming love for my children is conditional…It is MY children that I love this way. When Jesus asks us to love God, he is perfectly content for it to be imperfect…HE takes it and perfects it. That is not our job.
True that, Mike. Thanks. 🙂
Kari,
You might have touched on something with the parent/child thing. Our children (when things are working right) grow up in an atmosphere of unconditional love, and although they love us back, they don't love us in the same sacrificial way we love them. Nor is it for them. There is something in initiating that love relationship from parent to child where more is required/expected of the parent. And the child doesn't really ever pay it back; but if we've done our job well, they will pay it forward to the next generation.
Interesting, isn't it…within the commandment to love God and others, God doesn't say to love Him back the same way He loves us. But…Jesus DOES command us to love *one another* the way He loves us. God is the Parent, the initiator of love; then He wants us to pay it forward.
I think that's one of the differences between us and God.
"I live in the hope that I will at some point love Him the way He does me." Scripture does say that when we see Jesus, we will be like him, so at some point…
If it were not for His grace and mercy, I would still be loving my sin and hating Him. Good post!
There is a lot of conversation in some circles about how we should love God for Who He is, instead of what He does. As you implied it is somehow more 'pure' to love Him only for Who He is… but the awesome thing about God is that Who he is and what he does is completely and totally consistent. Maybe that's the part we just can't grasp, because we know it is not true for us humans.