Okay, time to get vulnerable.
My wife thinks sometimes I’m too vulnerable…but in this case I think it’s necessary.
It’s interesting how the smallest thing can unexpectedly make you see the truth about your own heart.
Yesterday I did a post about profanity and the use of euphemisms, which I humorously called “Christian cuss words.” The first commenter, Jim, responded with some serious yet thoughtful remarks–a bit of a surprise to me, considering the tongue-in-cheek nature of the post, but I appreciated his thoughts. In my reply to him, I made the following statement:
“I’m no goody-two-shoes on this one; I let loose occasionally when I’m really upset, but I normally control myself in a public setting for the sake of others.”
It sounds good and noble, even reasonable–except that a few moments after posting that comment, I realized, with great dismay, that it isn’t true.
Oh, it’s true that I control myself in public. It isn’t true that I do it for the sake of others. In fact, it has nothing to do whatsoever with the well-being of others. Any person who gave it any thought would see right through that cop-out, because the very fact that I do cuss in private exposes my true motives about the whole thing…
I don’t cuss in public settings because I am ashamed for people to know I cuss at all.
Apparently after all this deconstruction, I still am protecting an image. (Oh yeah–now I remember why I was thinking I shouldn’t do that post about profanity.)
Now, I gotta say that I think it’s a good thing that I don’t cuss in public, so don’t expect me to start profanitizing (?) this blog. I think it’s a bad thing that I would act like private profanity is okay, and public profanity isn’t. I think it’s a bad thing to be a hypocrite about it. And as I have said in previous posts–I am, among other things, a recovering hypocrite.
And that’s precisely why I thought I’d better lay it on the line here…because I recognize that I have a lot of readers here whose wounds are still fresh from the abuses, inconsistencies, and hypocrisy that run rampant in many church circles; and the last thing I’d want to do is ruin what credibility I’ve earned with these folks by walking in a similar manner, no matter how subtle the offense.
The cussing thing isn’t a huge deal, and I’m not trying to make it more than it is. I’m sure there are some out there who’d be amused that I’d even be cut to the quick about this. But this is not about the use of profanity, or the lack thereof; this is about honesty, integrity–and trust. Those things are a big deal to me, especially with this audience. I don’t feel I have to talk about everything on this blog; but what I do discuss needs to be done with honesty.
You deserve that much.
So I’m sorry.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Jeff,
I absolutely honor and respect your honesty. You are such a man of integrity!
By the way, congrats on The Ooze asking you to write for them! I have been receiving Feeds from them for quite a while now (Since July of last year). I look forward to reading your posts over there!
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
Hey Jeff,
I have been a long time fan of gospel music sensation Russ Taff.
It just so happens that his beloved wife is a blogger and she does at time spill some profanity into her blog. In fact she actually blogged about her swearing problem a couple of weeks ago. Here’s her take on cursing. Hope you enjoy.
http://babybloomr.com/?paged=4
Jeff,
That is where my thing comes in with cussing, drinking, or whatever when it comes to Christians. I’m not offended by either thing by itself.
It does bother me though that we won’t let anyone but those closest to us see who we really are. Sometimes not even then. If we drink or cuss we are going to hide it. We aren’t going to talk about. We won’t admit it. The person we show in public is not who we really are. It’s hypocritical.
We present an image that is hard to live up to for those new to following Christ because what we are showing them isn’t honest to begin with. It’s time we became transparent, and let the world around us see who we really are. They already know we aren’t perfect anyway. Being honest about it might do a world of good.
Jeff,
Honesty is definitely a good thing. I think if christians were to be totally honest, most would confess to cussing, even if just in rare times of intense anger.
I think one of the big reasons lost people are turned off by christians is the plastic smile that many always have on their faces in attempts to make their lives look perfect.
They must be thinking, how can God accept them when they all they see are “picture perfect people” saying they are christian.
They need to see real people with real flaws/problems living real their real lives in Christ.
Blessings,
Gary
ouch I’m in pain. Thanks for that gut check.
Amy, thanks and thanks again.
Anon., thanks for the link.
Mark,
The vocabulary I’d use to reflect what you’re saying is…we need to be *real.* When we put up a false persona, people can tell that it isn’t real. Real is flawed; real is the good with the bad. People know perfection is a myth, so when we come off as perfect…you know. 🙂 Thanks bro.
Gary,
See the comment I just made to Mark. 🙂 Thanks!
Randi,
We, um, aim to please. 🙂 Or, maybe,…this hurts me more than it hurts you?? 🙂
Jeff,
I apologize for the inappropriate wording in my previous comment. Thanks for the instruction.
Blessings,
Gary
Gary,
Huh? What inappropriate remarks? What instruction?
I hope I didn’t miscommunicate; when I referred you to what I’d said to Mark, it was because you both said similar things, and I was simply rephrasing it in an attempt to say “amen” to both of you. It was easier to say “see previous remark” than to write it twice. 🙂 Nothing more was intended.
I re-read your comment several times, and I honestly don’t notice anything inappropriate. I’m very sorry if I made you feel otherwise. Your comments have always been welcome here.
You can “lose it” in so many different ways. I usually can keep a rein on my vocabulary, but not always the underlying anger. I think that there, people have different self-control tolerances.
Sometimes too, it just becomes impossible to get the attention of certain people or groups to the importance of your issue or the degree of your exasperation. In my vocation, dealing mostly with other Christians, I have been known to add a word I know they aren’t expecting and therefore won’t soon forget; usually as a last resort because nothing else is working.
Of course these days, with so many Christians using profanity as a matter of routine, even that doesn’t stand out anymore.
Jeff,
I did not feel like my comments were unwelcome. But, I guess I misinterpretted your response to me.
I’m obviously still recovering from some things myself.