Processing Thoughts, Grappling with Issues

Fair warning: I’m about to start rambling, and I have no idea where I’m going to end up when I’m through. I’m processing a lot of different thoughts right now, mulling over a lot of things, some more personal than others, and sometimes I write just to get the thoughts out where I can look at them a little bit. Just be aware that this post may end up being about nothing in particular.

I suppose the most significant thing rolling over and over in my head is the landmark moment this week when our President came out publicly in favor of gay marriage. Regardless of where you happen to stand on this issue (and regardless of Obama’s motives in switching positions), history may very well mark this as one of the most significant moments in our generation. Not to sound too mystical, but it was one of those rare days where I could feel a huge shift in the spiritual climate of our country. The President’s campaign slogan during the last election was CHANGE. For better or worse, the President is a gatekeeper for our nation, and I think this moment will prove to be the most significant CHANGE our nation has encountered thus far. At the very least, it has accelerated the momentum, and the pressure of public opinion, to unprecedented levels.

Like many people of faith, I have grappled with this issue for a long time. Given my conservative evangelical background, you can understand that I was raised to view homosexuality as a sin, a moral issue rather than a civil rights issue. As I’ve gone through my deconstruction, this is one of the many issues that I’ve looked at and re-thought, and tried to look at it through different lenses, to test the validity of my own assumptions. I’ve purposely listened to alternative viewpoints on the subject. I have even tried to write blog posts about my thoughts on homosexuality and same-sex marriage, but I scrapped them every time, simply because it felt as though I were talking about a whole group of people, and their deepest thoughts and feelings, while they were theoretically standing there in the room. It just didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel respectful. Regardless of political, theological or moral viewpoints, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this season, it’s that underneath these issues there are real people with real feelings, many of whom feel same-sex attraction without really knowing why. I just didn’t want to show disrespect (or superiority) by talking about a whole group of people in the third person and making some theological determination about the legitimacy of their feelings. And I still don’t have any desire to do so. So I’ve determined in this season to maintain a talk-less, listen-more approach to this, and just watch and pray. Maybe some day I’ll speak more candidly about my own thoughts on this issue, but don’t expect it in this post.

To complicate things even further, I feel called to a creative community, where there is a much higher concentration of people who identify as gay or bisexual than in any other community I’ve been part of before. I also live in very liberal town where even many Christians have come out as gay, or gay affirming. (Let’s just say I could sense the collective roar of the crowd here when Obama made his announcement.) So while I grapple with the issues themselves in my own heart and mind, I’m also grappling with the question of how I can express the love of Christ in a tangible, genuine and believable way within my mission field, while staying true to what I see as a Biblical worldview. I don’t have all the answers to it yet; suffice it to say, for now, that I recognize that the way the evangelical church has modeled it thus far has definitely NOT worked. We’ve spent so much time and energy defending our theology and waging the so-called “culture war” that we’ve alienated millions of beautiful people for whom Christ died. So at the very least, I’m certainly seeking God for a better approach.

But really, it isn’t just the issue of homosexuality and same-sex unions; that is just the issue at the forefront right now. Underpinning that issue is the simple fact that we live in a culture that is changing at an alarming rate, and even the most forward thinking people are having a hard time keeping up with it. Sometimes I wake up and feel like I live in a completely different world than the one I lived in just a decade ago. And really, I am. I’m already re-thinking a lot of things, but it’s like I have to re-re-re-think them, because by the time I think I have something figured out, it’s changed again.

So I guess at the heart of all this rambling, I’m looking for tangible ways to continue to be salt and light in a rapidly changing world, to make a positive difference in a relevant way without compromising the important stuff. I can’t even begin to suggest I have the answer to that question; what I do know is that this is not a time to hang on desperately to old mindsets just because they are familiar. Neither is it a time to be swayed by every changing wind. The only thing I know is to hold on to Jesus, rather than my mindsets, and to trust Him to guide my path.

There’s a lot I don’t know right now. But Jesus is the only Constant in a world filled with variables.  That much I know.