A couple of weeks ago I wrote a poem for Communitas Collective called “The Bubble.” It was symbolic for the subculture bubble that these days we call “church”, but in reality is nothing like how the church is described in the Bible. That’s not to say people in the bubble aren’t necessarily Christians, or part of the church; it’s just to say that the bubble itself is not the church. And yet–that’s how most Christians identify other Christians: by whether they are in the bubble. Whether they are active partakers of the subculture–whether they know the lingo, have the appearance, hold the proper political views, know who “Beth Moore” and “Philip Yancy” are…that kind of stuff.
Today I’m sort of pondering my life in general, and where I’m at these days, compared to where I used to be. I don’t mean Denver as opposed to Oklahoma or Texas. I mean…my whole life used to be the bubble. In fact, I lived in a bubble within the bubble–a sub-subculture. In other words, I wasn’t just a typical red-state churchgoer; I was a charismatic one. And even deeper, I was involved in several sub-movements of the charismatic culture, and knew (and spoke) certain code words that identified me as a very specific kind of a Christian; so I guess you could say I was involved in a sub-sub-sub-subculture. My world was several bubbles deep. 🙂
So in a manner of speaking, the past ten years could almost be defined in my life as God with a needle. It has felt like one by one, He has gone around popping my bubbles. But what’s even more interesting is that He didn’t do it the way we might envision Him, as this big God up in the heavens popping bubbles until He got to me. No–somehow He popped the bubbles from the inside out, liberating me from the most specific subcultures first, then extending from there.
And when all the bubbles were gone…surprisingly, I didn’t fall into the abyss. I didn’t lose my faith. I was still a Christ-follower. I just wasn’t defined by all the Christianese trappings anymore.
I wish I could tell you everything was a bed of roses out here. But it isn’t. I think one reason I’m so tight with my little family is that for a huge period of time we have felt like the only ones of our kind. It is more than just being freed from bubbles. Think about it–when most Christians use the bubble (rather than the Bible) to identify other Christians, and you aren’t in the bubble anymore…let’s just say I’ve had pastors question the state of my soul purely on those grounds. Not only that, but when the bubble is your whole world, and it pops, you are left with having to pretty much re-define everything:
If faith isn’t what I thought it was–then what is faith? What does it look like?
If my faith isn’t defined by theology, what defines it?
If doing A,B, and C aren’t really the things that make you a good Christian–what does?
If all the things I thought were important to Jesus, really aren’t–then what is?
So no, it’s not easy. But after several years of deconstructing, I have to say I’m actually beginning to enjoy the journey a lot more, for a number of reasons. (I’ll save those details for part 2.) On one hand, having your bubbles popped really disorients you at first–but at the same time, it creates this open palatte of possibility that you never had before. You no longer have to concern yourself with meeting the protocols of other people to determine the quality of your faith or your discipleship; you’re free to go back to the basics. You get to focus more on the Bible than the bubble. (Like that? I keep using that because I like it.)
And because you go back to basics, you also begin to realize that Christians (and by extension, the church) don’t have to be shaped according to bubble protocols. In fact–by shedding that mentality, there is a great deal of potential for our faith and practice to remain anchored to the Bible while being shaped in ways that don’t alienate the world around us the way the bubble has done.
So despite the difficulties, I’m really thankful that God popped my bubbles (at least in my own mind). And since He popped them from the inside out, it leads me to believe that He was with me even within those bubbles. He was walking in front of me, needle in hand, popping the bubbles one by one as I followed behind.
That’s also reassuring–because it reminds me that I didn’t come to this place by drifting–I came here by following His lead.
I could keep going, but I’ll save something for the next part. 🙂
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Your story of being released from the bubble from the inside out reminds me of Peter being released from prison in Acts 12. Not only is he let out from the inside, but when he goes to the home of his friends, they don't believe what has happened to him. I guess God didn't play by their rules. Sound familiar?
thats awesome!!! 🙂 love it.
I have been feeling icky about where we are really…. where we aren't…. as God has shifted our dreams and shattered some different hopes we had…. the way I have described it in conversation quite a few times is having my bubble burst so I'm in a readjustment time trying to get some clarity to get my spiritual compass back on Him.
BUT this was a great reminder that the bubble that popped was not good for me anyway. The bubble was a box in many ways and GOd wants to do something way different than any man made or self made bubble. I have a new perspective, thank you. Though I still feel very wander-y and lost in many ways — I am encouraged that bubble popping is good. I am encouraged that He is leading and that all in the Bible who were Spirit lead all went against the status quo flow and God had to break many of their bubbles to get them to move on to His plan.
Thanks!
GREAT post. I follow the blog, but rarely take the time to comment. Just wanted to let you know how much I identify with your story, and how encouraging it is to read another survival story from a fellow traveler.
May God continue to take needles to our bubbles!
🙂 I love this. My bubbles started popping in college. Got away from charismania right out of ORU.
I've surrounded myself with new bubbles at times, only to have them pop, too. Believe it or not, Yancey and Beth Moore were instrumental in popping some of them. It's a good thing. God is good.
BTW? I'll Sue Ya is one of my favorites. Ranks right up there with Pancreas. 🙂
Great thoughts, like usual.
I especially found the part of "Jesus leading you out of the bubbles" comforting.
I have been accused of 'wandering' or 'pondering' as if I decided to find flaws and move forward, but I do not believe I would have popped those bubbles without Jesus' lead. (phew!) Glad I'm not alone on that ! 🙂
Sounds a lot like my journey. I left the bubble about 15 years ago…discovered God far more on the outside. I don't know whether God popped my bubble, or I was pushed out. But I honestly believe it's where He wants me to be. Anyways, thanks for your honesty and sharing. Peace.
Al,
An interesting analogy there. God never does seem to play by our rules, does He? Guess that's what makes Him God… 🙂
Rachel,
Thank you for taking time to share some encouragement. Good to have you on the journey.
Randi Jo,
There are many things I've endured in my life that for the moment were very difficult, but in the long run they turned out to be the best thing that could have happened, and evidence of the hand of God. I think the bubble popping is the same. It's hard to have your world figured out only to find you knew nothing, and the world is much bigger than you knew. But delusional living is far less healthy in the long run, and freedom is far more preferable. 🙂
Flea,
Yeah, I do think we like our bubbles. Perhaps the more PC term for them is "comfort zones." God does not seem too interested in being contained by those, nor seeing us contained in them. 🙂 And yes, I could comprehend Moore and Yancey bursting a few bubbles–both good authors. (I was basically using their names as celebrity icons, saying that people who toss these names around are "in the know" within certain church bubbles.")
You should try this sometime for fun–when you're listening to your ipod or something, wearing headphones, and your family is around, start jamming to it, then all of a sudden belt the lyric: "I sued Taco Bell…" See what happens. 🙂
schramfam,
Yeah, that's a common reaction from people, to suggest you're drifting, and sometimes you feel like you are. And make no mistake–this is a place where people often do drift. But many are LED here. As to who is drifting and who is led, that's not a question for the peanut gallery to answer, frankly–it's a matter of the heart, and between that person and God. Ultimately I think what is more important is not whether you are in the bubble or out of it–but whether you are following Christ.
Ron,
Good to have you stopping by. I think the analogy I used of God popping my bubbles is an indicator that He was there with me, on the inside, as well as on the outside. He was, and is, everywhere. Perhaps the reason we find Him "far more" on the outside is because we have less distracting us here, less getting in the way. I, too, have been amazed at how much bigger God is than my bubbles. It has restored my sense of wonder. Thanks for the comment!