So in between all my other busy-ness, I’ve been (slowly) working my way through David Kinnaman’s book UnChristian. And the chapter about how Christians are perceived as judgmental…
…well, it’s cleaning my clock.
The bottom line is that we are perceived by outsiders as judgmental because, for the most part, we are judgmental. (In other words, the perception is mostly justified.) And a lot of our judgmental attitudes aren’t so blatant as the angry, hate-filled, anti-gay protesters we see on the news. Many of them are a lot more subtle, coming off as condescending and self-superior. We might try to act with kindness toward a “sinner”, but that person will pick up the vibe that we see ourselves above them, stooping down to be kind to them.
There are a lot of people out there who aren’t too proud to receive charity. But nobody likes false charity. Nobody likes charity with a side order of guilt and judgmentalism.
I’m rambling on to say as I’m reading this chapter, I’m seeing how many judgmental attitudes are embedded in me, that I act upon naturally, without even thinking. I don’t just judge the outsider; I judge friends and family, too. Without thinking.
Ouch.
We Christians often rationalize our judgment by saying cliches like “love the sinner, hate the sin.” We fear going over the line into permissiveness, or think that we must choose between calling sin what it is (and possibly causing offense) and not confronting sin so as not to alienate people. It can get even more confusing when we see Paul recommending excommunication of a guy in 1 Corinthians chapter 5, or read the various chastisements for sin in the epistles. Isn’t that judgmental?
But I think we miss the point here. It’s not about whether or not we recognize some behavior as sin. It’s about facing the fact that we are all dealing with sin at some level. There is not one among us who can claim righteousness by our own deeds, so there is not one among us who has the right to rise above and pass judgment. There is only one sinless One, and He’s got the job of Judge.
I think judgmentalism has more to do with whether we are seeing horizontally or vertically. When we see that we are all struggling with sin, we can talk about sin on a horizontal level with others, in a proper time and setting, and I think there is a humility that comes with that. It’s when we approach the issue vertically, as one speaking down to another, as one being better than another, that I think judgmentalism takes root. That might be oversimplifying it, and I’m certainly not prepared to debate the issue theologically at the moment. This is just what I’m thinking about.
Another way I’m saying it to myself is this: We don’t need to give “permission to sin”, but we do need to give one another permission to be “sinfully broken.” In other words, we need to be okay with people not being okay, and not be overly zealous to “fix” them. Everyone is in a process, or on a journey; some are moving toward Jesus, and others are moving away from Him. Maybe we need to shift our focus a bit. Instead of monitoring people’s behaviors and motives, perhaps we should just be trying to help people move toward Jesus. And moving toward Jesus doesn’t mean cleaning up our act (that defeats the purpose of the gospel); it has more to do with receiving the grace He offers, for that will do more to clean us than we could ever do for ourselves. What better way to help people move toward Jesus than to extend the very grace He is offering all of us?
Just rambling here…. 🙂 Any thoughts of your own?
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Jeff,
Great post! I have UnChristian on my Book Wish List and hope to read it soon.
Ah…great topic on Judgmentalism. Indeed, I think we all, as you mention, find ourselves judging others in our thoughts at times. It definitely occurs in the thought-level. When I find a judgemental thought pops into my head, I’m trying to do a silly little trick while also identifying it and reminding myself I have no “right” to judge another, for I have my own faults and foibles. The little “trick” I use works well, also, as it injects a little humor into the fact that the judgement first occurs at the thought level.
I think where we need to be careful, is allowing that thought to be intentional conception of something bigger, like entertaining or dwelling on that judgement or even saying or doing something that turns it into judgmentalism in action. THAT’S where I do not wish to go. My heart is to…with Papa Son Holy Spirit, of course…stop it at the initial thought level.
Again, Jeff…great post.
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
"New laws can keep ex-offenders from church"
Last time I looked in the Bible, I understood the church was for repentant sinners and salvation comes by grace through faith, not of works, so no one can boast..
However, it is the mainstream Christians who actually demand these Draconian laws that put 10 year olds on sex offender registries.
Read the article here:
http://cfcoklahoma.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=268:new-laws-can-keep-ex-offenders-from-church&catid=38:news-articles&Itemid=80
A former elder in my church was known for getting involved with troubled members with an attitude of “Here’s God’s standard and here’s how you deviate from it,” and apply some pressure to change. I never experienced it, fortunately, but bless the man’s heart, I can’t imagine it did anything but shame people.
I have experienced in my own life that the more I bear down trying to avoid a sin, the more I’m likely to commit it. It’s like telling a kid carrying a glass of water, “Don’t drop it!”
What I’ve found actually causes the sin to abate is to focus instead on building my relationship with Jesus. This has taken a leap of faith on my part, involving believing that Jesus accepts me despite sins I may still commit, especially the ones where I know better but still do them sometimes anyway.
I have experienced Jesus accepting me as is, and I have experienced him changing me such that I have watched some of my recurring sins slip away not to return. Other of my recurring sins are as stubbornly present as ever. I keep expressing to God my remorse and wish to let the sin go, and I keep seeking Jesus, and I do trust that he will keep catalyzing spiritual growth in me, and I do trust that many of these sins will slip away in his time.
I hope that as I encounter other Christians who confide their sins in me that I can be an agent of Jesus’s acceptance and love in this manner. I may need to do specific things to help — I can imagine, for example, being an accountability partner in their struggles. But I think my primary job is to help them pursue Christ and then let Jesus do his work on them.
This is fantastic Jeff, and it’s something I have learned over the last few years. It’s a very difficult balance for most Christians, because we learn early on that sin=bad and we don’t know how to reconcile that with Grace.
“What better way to help people move toward Jesus than to extend the very grace He is offering all of us?”
That’s it in a nutshell, but I’ll tell you, I have never received more criticism than the times I have tried to make this very point. I’m glad to hear more people saying it out loud.
Great thoughts. This (judgmentalism) is something I battle fiercly in my life (often unsuccessfully). It really bothers me when I don’t even recognize it until later because, like you said, it is so ingrained in me.
A friend of mine recently committed adultery. She was telling me about it, and then bemoaned the fact that I know “how bad she really is.” It made me sad that she was so frightened for anyone to know, because I know that feeling. In being so transparent there is a great risk of being judged and shamed (like she doesn’t feel enough shame already that I need to pile more on her?).
Thankfully, I was able to reassure her that I still love her, I still like her, she is still my friend. I also told her that I cannot judge her because I know just how “bad” I can be.
I wonder what my response would have been 10 years ago? I would have offered grace, but I would have expressed my disapproval, thinking that if I showed her just love, I’d somehow be condoning her behavior. And I would have wanted to fix her, fix her marriage. Now I realize that I can only help her with what she wants me to, and even then Jesus is the one who will lift her up, hold her close. And even if he uses me to help in some way, I’m not the fixer! (wow, what a relief! although it is still a temptation for me to try, haha)
You said, “I think judgmentalism has more to do with whether we are seeing horizontally or vertically.” I think this is a very interesting way of saying this. Probably all of us have been judged and found lacking by some spiritual person who thinks we would be better off if we were just like them. It is an awful feeling to be ‘looked down upon.’
I used to be very judgmental of fundamentalists who were judgmental, until one day I could sense God saying, “You’re doing the same thing you criticize them for.”
I’m still learning that I have no business judging another follower of Jesus, even if they do things differently than I do. Right now I have an easier time accepting my brethren toward the left side of the spectrum.
I haven’t read the book yet, but I can completely relate. As a matter of fact I find that I fall into a similar situation as co-heir. My struggle with judgmental attitudes has taken a 180 degree turn. Those that I would have been judgmental of while I was still a fundie draw a lot of acceptance. I am actually more judgmental of those who are like the old me now.
This is one reason Pride is a Mortal sin. It is insidious and causes us to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. It is so seductively easy to slip on a little judgmentalism when we see someone struggling with a different sin than our own.
The Spirit’s fruit of humility is a sure defense, but so very unAmerican. I don’t think most of us are inculcated with humble teachings as we grow up. I certainly wasn’t.
Lord, have mercy.
Hey Jeff,
I’m glad to have come across your blog this morning. I read quickly through several of your posts, and it’s refreshing to find someone in a similar point in their Christian walk.
Thanks for posting the exerpt from UnChristian. Like Amy, I’ve placed this book on my Christmas list…so it’s nice to hear that it’s one that speaks directly to you. The review is much appreciated.
Looking forward to catching up on your past posts in the next few days.
rich
Amy,
The subtle thing about entertaining judgmental thoughts is that they might not always cause us to *do* anything specific; they just begin infecting the tone of our voice, or our body language, or other things that send a message to the other party. Good thoughts–thanks.
Letsgetreal,
Thanks for the link; I had already seen/heard some of these news items.
Jimgrey,
Thanks for sharing your experiences and your heart here. I liked your analogy of a child dropping the water glass.
Erin,
Thanks for the comment. My experience with this is that it seems Christians are a bit binary on the issue of judgmentalism. It’s an on/off switch for them–either judge the sin (and by extension the sinner), or you are guilty of letting everything run amuck. Engaging real people with Jesus’ love isn’t even on the spectrum. That’s probably why the criticism exists when someone speaks up about grace.
BTW…I haven’t really said this out loud much. I just write it secretly on a blog. 😀
Heidi,
My first thought is that if you were able to help and bless your friend in her brokenness, you must have made some progress in the judgmentalism department. 🙂 Thanks for sharing that.
Co-heir,
Is that a TATTOO I see on your Blogger profile picture? Tsk tsk. 😀
Joking aside…it is interesting that you find it harder not to judge people on the right. That is only a recent development for me, since I am a right-leaner myself. Before that…it was the left-leaners I was quick to judge. Nowadays, it’s more the opposite, like you.
Also, interesting (if not intended) connection you made between fundamentalism and the right/left spectrum, since one is religious and the other is political. Makes me think about how we tend to bake those two together without thinking.
Mark,
I am in the same boat with you. 🙂
M-I-T,
Thanks for your thoughts here; I agree completely.
I finished UnChristian last month. Christian writers (and bloggers!) make a lot of blanket statements. What if every such statement was backed up by statistical research like we see in this book?