Even More Ramblings About Calling…

I have been rambling on a bit about how my perception of one’s “calling” is changing. Time to ramble a little more…

I’ve gotten a lot of “prophetic words” in my lifetime. And a lot of it has been what I’d call “fluff” (some might have stronger words for it, but that’s what I call it, anyway)–just ear-tickling, good-feeling-evoking, ego-puffing-up words about destiny. (When you find yourself in a platform ministry position, it’s amazing how many people want to prophesy over you.)

But there have been a few of these words I knew were of the Lord. One way I know it’s of God is when it totally rocks my world, leaves me shaking, with this knowing that the Mighty One has spoken to me–and though the word might be positive, it doesn’t stroke my ego one bit, but rather leaves me humbled (and often crumpled up on the floor). Those kinds of words are cool. 🙂
One such prophetic word I’ve received (and it’s come multiple times, from different voices) goes something like this: Don’t limit yourself, or your mindsets of what you are to do. Your calling is more than what you think.

I don’t think the good people who uttered this knew how deep those waters ran, or to what extent God would interpret that word to me.

When I first heard that spoken, I primarily thought it was talking about the size and scope of my ministry. At the time, I had this very specific picture of my “calling”–it was in worship leading and music ministry, and being a pastor wasn’t even on my radar. So when I felt the tug of God to be a pastor, I submitted to it, thinking I was fulfilling that word–I wasn’t limiting my ministry to one particular thing. But now I’m coming to realize that the “limiting” I’ve been doing may have not so much to do with my particular function in ministry, but in limiting my understanding of what “calling” really is and what it means.

Let me try to corral these rambling thoughts. Here are some of the things I’m realizing as I continue to ponder my own calling:

• Calling and destiny are not synonyms. Calling is God’s invitation to us to participate in Father’s business; but destiny is in His hands alone. This is very important because so many times when we get this sense of our destiny (whether it be prophetic word, vision, or just a tugging at our heart), we somehow see it as something we must fulfill, rather than a promise of what God will fulfill in us. This wrong mentality puts the ball squarely in our court, and sets the stakes and expectations incredibly high. Destiny becomes pass-or-fail, and calling becomes a mandate to fulfill our destiny on our own, essentially making us responsible for things we cannot possibly control. (No wonder we’re buckling under the pressure.) We have the opportunity to respond to the call of God, but the outcome is God’s territory, not ours. (This is something I’m still trying to get my mind and heart around, because I’ve been so performance-oriented my whole life. But it’s something I desperately want to believe, because the very idea of it is so freeing.)
• I think our calling is linked more to our gifts than to any specific assignment from God. I find this link in the Scripture that says, “The gifts and callings of God are irrevocable.” (Rom. 11:29) And I also believe that to some extent, our gifts and passions are linked. We generally like to do the things we’re good at doing–as long as it isn’t interfered with by people who exploit our gifts or pressure us to perform. One recent commenter shared that at his church it is commonly said that God will call you to the thing you hate. This statement made me absolutely cringe, because although I recognize the dying-to-self concept, it paints God as a tormenting taskmaster who purposely causes us to suppress our desires (and by extension, our gifts). Why in the world would a loving God at whose “right hand are pleasures forevermore” not want us to fully enjoy what He has called us to do?? So I think the opposite is true. I think God shapes us with certain gifts, and desires that center around those gifts, and I think those inward desires and gifts give us a clue as to our calling.

In my own quest to unravel and reshape this idea of calling, I’m getting back to basics on a very personal level. I often catch myself now at age 32 41 bemoaning what I thought I was supposed to accomplish that I have not yet accomplished, or what I tried that didn’t work–both of which could easily make me feel like a failure. But for the moment, I’m laying aside the expectations and pressures of what I have thought I was mandated to do, and asking myself: What desires are there in my heart that just won’t go away? What makes me tick inside? And what would it look like if I just let those desires move me in a certain direction?

And for your amusement amazement…here is what I’ve discovered about the desires of my heart so far:

1. I get a great sense of fulfillment when I see the light go on in someone’s heart, when they recognize the love God has for them, and connect with Him in worship–especially in a musical environment, but in other environments as well. I feel the same way about this whether it is someone just coming to faith in Christ or a believer who is being set free in some way.
2. I truly enjoy music at almost every level. I love to create it in private and perform it in public. I love hearing a band when they function as one, making music in excellence; I love it even more when I am part of that band. I love the excitement that is generated when that happens.
3. I love being part of a community with shared interests and a shared mission. I love the sense of mutual belonging and camaraderie of being with people who want the same things you do, almost like a team. I have experienced this several times in creative and artistic settings, and each time it has deeply impacted me and made a lasting positive memory.

So…those are the deep-running desires in my heart. (Do you find a common thread in them?) From these desires, several different incarnations of ministry can emerge, and it can take different shapes at different seasons. I am allowing time for God to show me what it should look like now. But one thing I do know moving forward; I want whatever I do for God to be deeply connected to the passions He has put in my heart, and not just some perceived mandate of what I’m “supposed” to do. I want it to be shaped and informed by those heart desires and not by the traditions and expectations of man. And I don’t think this is a selfish thing; I believe God put those desires in my heart and wants me to live those out, even more than I want to live them out. I think those God-breathed desires run closer to my true calling than anything else in my life or my history.

What about you? What sorts of things make you come alive on the inside?

(Coming soon…the results of a Bible word-study I’m doing on “calling.” You might be just as surprised as I was…)