This might come out more like a paraphrase, but there’s a quote in Wild at Heart by John Eldredge that goes something like this:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
That concept has stuck with me ever since reading that book, because it’s a paradigm shift for me. So many people run from their “calling to the ministry”, for example, because they’re terrified that God will demand that they do something they don’t want to do. And yet–perhaps we’re looking at this all wrong. Maybe the seeds of desire in our hearts–the things that make us come alive–are actually a clue to what God might want us to do. I’m not talking about the fads and fleeting fancies; I’m talking about the deep-rooted passions that just don’t go away. Why would we think God would put those desires there, only to deny them down the road? Maybe those deep passions are a clue to our “calling.”
This is significant to me because in this period of deconstruction, a lot of what I thought I was called to do is now having to be re-defined, because it was based on an institutional structure that I no longer find either Biblical or helpful. And yet–the Bible makes it clear that God’s gifts and callings are irrevocable, and won’t just go away. Ergo–I must have misinterpreted the nature of my calling. I have been thinking of this much too narrowly.
There are some things I’ve tried to do in fulfilling my calling that I honestly believed God wanted me to do–but the only reason I was doing it was because I thought God wanted it, not because it was a passion in my heart. When the times of testing came, I would persevere for a time because I somehow believed if I could obey Him and just get through this season, God would eventually let me do what I really wanted to do. Maybe I wasn’t that passionate about the particular thing I was trying to do–but I was passionate about pleasing God, and sometimes that was all that kept me going. And I think that in my ignorance, God honored that.
But ultimately, there comes a point when you have to leave the results to God, and if for some reason God does not intervene and make it work, you have to conclude that God had something else in mind, perhaps a greater purpose than whether that particular objective succeeded. There’s a lot of stuff we’ve tried here in our town that just plain has not worked, and God knew it wouldn’t work, and He released us to do it knowing that it would not work. And perhaps that was necessary as part of our deconstruction, because it helped show us that maybe we were looking at the whole thing through the wrong lens, anyhow.
I’m rambling about all this because I think I’m starting to make sense of the in-between place I feel I am in, which I’ve posted about before. I’m in this place where the doors are closing on a lot of the stuff I thought I was supposed to do, but what is to come lies just over the horizon and is hard to see. I have a few ideas of what it might look like, but nothing really cohesive yet. And that’s an uncomfortable place for me, because my whole life I have had a clear sense of direction for where I was going. It might have been the wrong direction, and the plan might change–but there still was always a plan, and that somehow gave me a sense of comfort. And God’s not allowing me to lean on that anymore.
I think that’s part of the deconstruction itself. I think that what’s happening here is that God is weaning me off of the preoccupation with what particular things I’m supposed to do with my life, so I will ask the deeper questions of “What makes me come alive?” “What’s really in my heart?” In other words, whatever I’m going to be doing in the future needs to be shaped by the deeper desires and dreams God has placed in my heart–the stuff that doesn’t go away. I think I got so busy with the doing of ministry over the years that I stopped listening to those deeper passions. But they are still there. And I think that somehow those deeper things are more connected with “calling” than any particular project or assignment I might undertake.
I still believe that there is such a thing as a “calling”. I just think it runs deeper than many of us realize–that it has more to do with how God has shaped us than what we end up doing with it. More on that later…
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Nice post Jeff. It really got me thinking. In fact, it spawned this post.
I started thinking about how God was redefining my concept of His will. I think the two are related.
(Is it bad form to put a link to your own blog from a comment? If so, sorry.)
Aaroneous,
Good post on your your blog as well…and it’s totally cool to link back from your comment.
Jeff,
I think you are “right-on” in saying that the desires of our hearts have been planted there by Father, Himself. I also enjoy John Eldridge’s books. Have you read any others by him? I highly recommend: Epic, Waking the Dead, The Journey of Desire, and The Sacred Romance.
I can really relate to the process Papa has been working through you in terms of your calling. He is still showing me what my Purpose(s) is. I had seen “purpose,” “life calling,” “His Will” all through the wrong lens. I agree with you that Papa must deconstruct, re-build and re-teach many of us what Purpose really is about if we have been taught in a Religious-based institutional structure wrong messages about our “calling.”
“I’m in this place where the doors are closing on a lot of the stuff I thought I was supposed to do, but what is to come lies just over the horizon and is hard to see. I have a few ideas of what it might look like, but nothing really cohesive yet.” – Jeff
This is exactly how I feel, Jeff! You put to words so well what I’ve been undergoing! You are not alone my friend. It brings me encouragement, too, knowing Papa has others in a similar boat, so-to-speak.
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
Hi Jeff,
I just recently started reading your blog and I’m really enjoying it. You have a way of putting things that resonates with me.
I can identify with being in that in-between, sort of limbo stage. I’ve been there for a long time. I like to have things clearly defined, packaged neatly in their boxes with labels. So this period of life is wreaking havoc with the little control freak inside me.
The beauty of waiting on God is that it gives Him the opportunity to reveal Himself in intimate ways that we would totally miss if He left us with our plans and organized categories. It’s so incredibly hard at times. Painful too. Yet the more I surrender to it, the more I’m realizing what a great adventure life is with Him.
Somehow in the process of all this I’m also discovering who I am as His beloved daughter and gaining a sense of calling and what I have to offer through my deepest passions and desires.
As Amy said, you’re not alone. There are many of us on a similar journey. What am amazing thing it will be to someday see all of these beloved ones living fully alive in His kingdom!
I’m LOVING the journey!!!
and I’m enjoying the GREAT company I am with!!!! That journey will end and there you and I will spend eternity TOGETHER – I’m looking forward to that and to prasing God in E – flat!!!
Great post. You’re first few paragraphs resonated with me because I have asked the same thing. Many times people in my church said that the thing God will call you to do will be something you hate. Now everything that God calls you to do may not be easy, but if God has put it in your heart, He knows you better than you know yourself, and I think you will find that you have a passion for that thing.
I too for awhile was looking at God’s will through the wrong lens.
laidbackchristian.blogspot.com
Amy,
I think a lot of us are in that in-between place. Part of a season for the church itself, I’m guessing. It requires a high level of trust, doesn’t it?
Angela,
It must be nice to be dealing only with a “little” control freak. 🙂 Seriously, though…I do think that so many of us tend to have our lives so compartmentalized that it limits our experience of God. He just doesn’t fit into compartments like that. So your point is well-made about encountering Him in a special way in those times when you can’t compartmentalize. Thanks for chiming in.
Mork,
…and all the other keys, too. 🙂
3D,
“Many times people in my church said that the thing God will call you to do will be something you hate.” Wow–what a warped way to look at discipleship. I get the dying-to-self thing, but man! that’s harsh.
Not only do I find that idea unsupportable by Scripture, but…and forgive me if I’m dissing anyone you know…the only way I think that idea could apply is if the person is coming from a place of total rebellion against God, and doesn’t want to listen to *anything* God says. But for someone whose heart is toward Him, and wants to do His will, I find it difficult to accept that the thing you’re called to would be something you hate. Just sayin’. 🙂 Thanks for the comment.
I love the way that you said what you said Jeff. I have tried to say the same thing in many posts I have written about living from your heart.. I think that you said it in a very helpful way.
I have two problems living this call out:
1) Learning to not let my brain, complete with it’s fears, insecurity and pride, trump my heart and it’s dreams.. it is so subtle yet so powerful.
2) Learning that I do not have to get God into my heart but simply let Him flow out of it (John 7:38). Responding to the gentle call of the Spirit in our heart seems to be a progressive journey.. each time we respond our heart gets a bit stronger.. not an overnight thing.
Looking forward to reading more about your journey.
Bessings, Bob