It’s downright chilly outside this morning. Kind of unusual for Tulsa in early September. We don’t really start feeling cooler weather until nearer October.
It’s interesting how the weather fluctuates between seasons. When you are at the end of summer, but autumn hasn’t yet begun–some days it feels like summer, and some days it feels like fall, like nature can’t quite make up its mind.
We have four seasons, and we identify a certain type of climate with each of them. But if you think of it, at least four other times of the year, we are transitioning between seasons. How stark the difference is between seasons often depends on where you live on the planet…but there are these four times of the year when nature can’t seem to decide.
I think that we go through seasons in our life journey as well, and in our journey with God. They don’t necessarily cycle in fours, and they certainly don’t follow the timetable of our calendar (dang it). But these seasons exist. And because they do change, you sometimes find yourself in that in-between place. Some days it feels like summer, and some days like fall–and some days it feels like both, or neither. Some people call this “transition.” And when you’re someone who tends to like predictability…transition can be very uncomfortable. Especially when it goes on and on….
I specifically feel as though I’ve been between seasons all year. I feel like there’s something new on the horizon that I can’t quite see or touch, and yet all the while the same-old-same-old has become increasingly intolerable. We’re sci-fi nuts in our family, so sometimes I’ve used the analogy of a “decompression chamber” to describe what I feel–like the change in environment is so stark that we have to go into one of those little rooms where all the doors are shut, and we can experience the gradual change from one environment to another.
I sure wish these rooms were bigger, though. And I wish there were pictures on the walls or something.
This place feels so uncertain for me that I sometimes wonder if I’ve mis-stepped, somehow gotten away from my purpose, gotten away from the stream somehow. But then I look back and I see those doors closed behind me, doors that I didn’t pull shut. I remember that I’m not really in this place by choice, that I didn’t really walk away from anything.
But…if these doors behind me are shut, if that season is truly over…what’s keeping this door from opening in front of me?? Is something wrong? Is something blocking it? WHAT’S GOING ON??? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME OUT THERE???
Sorry…didn’t mean to shout. 🙂 And sorry for mixing up my metaphors. We were talking about seasons, weren’t we?
I guess I’m using these things to try and describe how this feels. There are days when I wish for the joy of the past season, and there are days when I look with hope to the joys of the next season. But lots of the time, I just feel like nothing around me is familiar anymore. And personally, I hate that feeling.
I feel like there is no longer any life in past seasons, that if I try to gravitate back to them, I will find only death. But I feel increasingly frustrated that there doesn’t seem to be anything yet to replace that old season. I’m just in this in-between place, where stuff is apparently not in my control, and I’m just along for the ride.
Those who have been reading this blog for awhile…you remember I’m a recovering control freak, don’t you? 🙂 ARRRGGGGH! (No…I better not pound this table. I might need that hand later.)
Ultimately, I guess that’s the issue. We don’t really control the seasons; we have to trust God with them. We can pray, we can seek for the answers (and we should). But at the end of the day, it comes down to trust. More and more, I’ve come to realize that true faith–that is, trust–is more about the unknowns and the apparent contradictions. We don’t just believe God for the things we want to happen–we trust Him with the unknowns, with the things that don’t make sense.
God doesn’t abandon us in the in-between times–even when He doesn’t seem to be quick to answer our many questions. He’s here with me, and this much I do know. I know He’s with me, and I know He sees the big picture, and I know He’s steering this ship that is my life. So for however long I am in between seasons, or in the decompression chamber, or wherever the heck I am…I must choose daily to trust Him with the unknowns, and with the things beyond my control–to lean my very life and soul upon him, day to day. This, to me, is what living by faith is about.
And if I’m reading the Bible correctly…faith isn’t just about the in-between seasons. This is how the just shall live.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Tears in my eyes today as I read this. I relate so closely to how you are feeling that it hurts a bit to read it.
In so many ways I feel the word “thwarted” fits us right now. We are not supposed to go back but seemingly are not allowed to go forward or to the side either. So here we are. Hoping that this is not ‘it.’ Are we supposed to be content with ‘it’ though? Maybe that is the lesson to be learned here.
The seasons change for a purpose, and the in-between times seem to serve as a way to prepare for the next season.
I think God lets us spend time in those in-between seasons to strengthen our faith because we tend to get a bit complacent during the “normal” times.
Jeff,
Wow! This blog couldn’t have come on a more perfect day. I honestly have felt like I’ve been going through a “transition” season all year, too! I love this blog because you put into words so beautifully what I’ve been feeling like, experiencing and thinking.
I can SOO relate to this:
“There are days when I wish for the joy of the past season, and there are days when I look with hope to the joys of the next season. But lots of the time, I just feel like nothing around me is familiar anymore.”
As well, I’m also a “recovering control freak.” Letting go…and letting God is certainly and ongoing process for me. It has it’s joys though…as He really knows what’s best for me. However, might I add, it’s also uncomfortable. I’m learning to trust, trust, trust Him. He really DOES know what He’s doing. Something I sometimes have to remind myself!!
This was of encouragement:
“God doesn’t abandon us in the in-between times–even when He doesn’t seem to be quick to answer our many questions.” Thank goodness.
And…”I know He’s with me, and I know He sees the big picture, and I know He’s steering this ship that is my life. So for however long I am in between seasons, or in the decompression chamber, or wherever the heck I am…I must choose daily to trust Him with the unknowns, and with the things beyond my control–to lean my very life and soul upon him…”
Amen. Again, thank you for this. Jeff.
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
And if this is “it”?
“If this IS it?…..”
….oh, come quickly, Jesus. 🙂
Hi. My name is Heidi, and I’m a control freak.
Transition is difficult… but especially the area in between. Or, right after a big move or change, and before the reason for it all shows up.
I remember a sermon I heard once about going from glory-to-glory, and that sometimes it seems more like glory-toooooooooooooooooooooo-glory. Yeah.
Hello… is there anybody out there? (am I allowed to quote Pink Floyd on a Christian Blog?)
Sometimes I know I’m just impatient, rather than allowing that good and perfect work that Jesus is doing.
Hanging in there too,
HW
Ummm… Jeff? I don’t think my comment made any sense in print. Apparently only in my head (which I’ll admit is a scary place).
Sorry about that. 🙂
Heidi
Barb,
I honestly don’t think this is “it.” But the contentment thing…I get. So did our Bible friend Paul, apparently. 🙂 The contentment in the now is part of our trust. (Again, dang.) 🙂
Co-heir,
I agree, and a bit more. The decompression analogy fits a bit more here. It’s just like when the astronauts return to earth, they can’t just step out of the cockpit. They have to wait, re-acquaint with gravity, re-adapt to the air pressure, etc. I think with us, the during the waiting, a forming and adapting is taking place that we might not even know about.
Amy,
Glad the post spoke to you. Seems a lot of us are “transitioning” these days…which leads me to think this is a thing God is doing in the church, and not just with me/us.
Heidi,
Since the post was meant to speak on an emotional level, I guess it makes sense if your word writing didn’t sense make and coalesce together with your head-thinking. 🙂 No apology needed. Believe it or not, I understood…which is probably even more scary… 🙂
Jeff,
This fits right where we’re at. I appreciate your ability to put into words, what I am thinking and feeling and am not always able to communicate.
Blessings,
Gary