I haven’t written on this here blog in several weeks…
…”Thank you, Captain Obvious”…
…so I wanted to check in to say I haven’t fallen off the planet or anything.
In fact, I’ve been working on some stuff, some of which should be unveiled sometime in the next couple of weeks. Just taking my time to make sure everything’s right.
It’s actually a pretty exciting time for me, personally. After several years of seeking, searching, waiting, feeling kind of lost, (and as it turns out, detoxing), I’m finally beginning to feel like I have a track to run on, accompanied by rested feet that are ready to run.
Before I let you know what I’m working on, perhaps I should provide a little perspective for any newbies. You can find a lot of this in the archives of the blog, but I’ll make it easy for you.
When I first started this blog seven (!) years ago, The Wild One and I were pastoring a house church in Tulsa, and I was just beginning to process my alienation and deconstruction from institutional Christianity. That journey eventually led my family to Denver on a mission to the creative/artistic community, with the intention of exploring our own creative gifts in a new context. In the process, we’ve embedded ourselves in the creative community, and by being slow to structure our efforts according to the familiar patterns, we’ve had many opportunities to minister to people in ways that never would have happened in a more traditional context.
But at the same time, it’s been a huge learning curve for me, especially, and a time of even more personal deconstruction, as God has been using this time to dismantle some of my own preconceived notions about what my calling is and how to express it. There have been times, even in the midst of this great journey, that I’ve felt completely lost. I’ve even tried to embark on a couple of projects that turned out to be short-lived or obviously not inspired, just feeling like I should “do” something more, but not having the slightest idea what it should be.
I’m now beginning to realize this was part of God’s plan. All my life I have been so driven to perform that despite my wounds from the past seasons, I never stopped to heal. I’d already deconstructed from traditional forms of Christianity; now I needed to deconstruct from my preconceived notions about ministry itself. It seems like the only way to get me to stop and rest was to take away my road map, then wait until I got exhausted from trying to find by bearings without it. And eventually, I did just stop, and I began to listen–determined not to move on something until I had a sense of direction.
So what this means for me is that recently, I began to stop focusing on the many things I don’t know, and to start focusing more on the few things I do know. And based on the fruit I’m seeing in my own family dynamic, as well as the inner witness of my soul, it’s boiled down to two things I know I need to do:
1. I know I’m supposed to pursue my musical gifts more diligently–particularly in the realm of composing. I know this is going to take me somewhere new.
2. I know our story needs to be told. I know that this, above anything else, is our strongest connection point with other artists.
So, all that to say…here’s what’s going on:
Regarding the first point–I’ve made a fresh commitment this year to spend as much time as possible learning more about composing and arranging for film and television, including possibly going back for my master’s degree. While I continue exploring that option, I’ve been devouring everything I can find on the Internet, and as a result, I’ve learned more stuff in the past few weeks than I have in many years. I mentioned to my family recently that I’m actually genuinely excited about music and its possibilities for the first time in probably decades, and every day I find myself looking for time to get into my studio to study and and apply what I’ve learned. There’s nothing more to say about it other than to say it’s extremely fulfilling and rewarding, and it’s filling me with hope for the future as I see where this path takes me.
Regarding the second point–when I say our story needs to be told, I’m not talking about our ministry journey (’cause that’s pretty much been told here). What I mean is that there are some things about our creative journey, and some things we’ve learned in the pursuit of our art, that I haven’t shared here, but that seem to resonate strongly with any creative people we share them with. That’s the story that we feel needs to be told.
So I won’t keep you in suspense…there’s a new blog coming out of this, one that is likely to become my primary point of expression once it goes live. That’s what I’m working on that will soon be unveiled. I think there are a lot of people already in our circle that will relate to a creative blog a lot more than this one (in fact, a lot of our artist friends don’t even know this blog exists). I think that this will become at least a starting point that may evolve into something more tangible down the road. But even if it doesn’t–I feel it needs to be done. Once again, we’ll see where that road leads. I’m definitely excited to find out.
So…that’s what I’ve been up to, folks. In a couple of weeks, I’ll check back in here and let you know where to find the new blog, if you’re interested in following along.