I made a statement in a recent post that some of the nicest people I’ve known have been non-Christians. I followed that by sharing how my early childhood illusions of Christians being always nice and friendly were shattered when I saw increasing numbers of them being grumpy, snappy, and sometimes just plain mean.
I know it isn’t true of all Christians (and I bake myself in this pie, too), but this phenomenon is prevalent in our Western culture. While I no longer expect Christ-followers to be perfect, I do think something must be wrong when there are so many people in this culture who can identify Christians in a crowd by the scowls on their faces.
So, if we hold the belief and tell others that following Jesus is so life-giving and fulfilling, why is it that so many professing Christians don’t reflect that sense of life in their temperament? How is it that Christians can be mean?
I have some speculations–and these are just my opinions and observations, not some scientific study or anything. Here are just three possible reasons why Christians develop an ill-temper:
1. They are isolated and contained together, away from non-believers.
In my other post on this subject, I alluded to this, saying that water that stays in one place and doesn’t flow, stagnates. Let’s use a more crass analogy. When sheep stay bottled up in a sheep pen and never go out to pasture…things start to stink.
Christians today tend to be more and more engaged in their churchy culture, away from the world–and church activities can keep us so busy that we don’t even have time to think about implementing the Great Commission in our own lives. More and more Christians don’t even have non-Christian friends in their circles. Without places to pour out the life we have received, we begin to stagnate. And when all we do is hang together in close quarters, pretty soon all we’re doing is stepping in one another’s crap. That’s enough to make anyone grumpy. We need to stay connected, to be sure, but I think we need outlets outside of Christian community to let Christ’s love flow out from us. Without that, we are unfulfilled in our purpose. I honestly think that can create a latent dissatisfaction in us–like a constipation of the soul. (I’m sorry for the crass analogy–no, I’m not.)
2. Christians are religious.
I am absolutely convinced that when Jesus came, He never intended for man to create a new religion and call it Christianity. He came to give man opportunity to have relationship with Him, relationship with the one true God. It is astounding how simple a truth this is, and how far we have missed the point over the centuries.
People think of religion in general as a pathway to whatever god they are worshiping. The Christian religion is no different. We mistakenly think that the rituals or disciplines of our faith will bring us closer to God. Or we mistakenly think that being devout in our practices will earn God’s favor, and get Him to do good stuff in our lives (which, if you think about it, is actually a form of manipulation).
Religion can never bring us closer to God. Religion can never fulfill the deepest needs in our soul. Only God Himself can fill that void. When Christians devote themselves to the practice of their faith rather than the Person their faith is supposed to be in, they remain unfulfilled inside. No matter how devout you might be–there will still be a gap. Again–that’s enough to make anyone grumpy. Christians need to lighten up and just love Jesus–and let Jesus love them back. That will do worlds for our attitude.
3. Christians tend to think themselves superior to the rest of the world. Ouch.
Teachings about the authority of the believer, while having some Scriptural merit, have been taken to an unhealthy level–to the point that some Christians carry themselves as some sort of superhuman race, elevated above “unredeemed” man. Even Christians who don’t subscribe to this teaching often act superior simply because they feel they know the truth about God, and others do not.
Despite Jesus’ command to love our neighbor as ourself…when we see ourselves as better than our neighbors just because we are a believer and they are not, we will not treat them with appropriate humility and respect. We will feel easily put out when the cashier accidentally short-changes us or the clerk bags the meat with the vegetables. We will be offended when the waitress doesn’t move quickly enough or forgets our ketchup, and we’ll show her our dissatisfaction by not tipping. Or worse…we’ll leave her a tract instead of a tip. (Don’t EVER do that. Christians have the worst reputations among restaurant wait staff because of these kind of shenanigans.)
We need to remember that Jesus sees every soul as precious, someone for whom He died. Christians could use a good dose of humility and remember what He has done, not only for us, but for the person who does not yet know Him. We are not better than anyone else because of our faith, so we don’t have the right to be annoyed by an “inferior.”
So…those are just three guesses as to why Christians are mean. Do you have any thoughts?
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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4. They don’t really understand and embrace the love of God as the central message of the gospel.
Some good thoughts as usual, Jeff.
I have two thoughts about this. The first is a lack of experience with God. They just don’t know Him very well. If they did, they’d be changed. (Which kind of ties in with K-Bob’s comment.)
And second, the (false) separation between “spiritual life” and “everyday life” is a big culprit. In our western mindset, we tend to objectify everything as an abstraction. We like ideas about God more than God Himself.
We like Jesus the Savior, but not Jesus as the King, nor as the Judge. So sometimes Christians feel license to be as mean and unloving or ungracious as they want. As the popular bumper-sticker goes, “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.” There is some truth to that, but I think it’s out of balance. And it denies our responsibility as ambassadors to accurately represent our King toward others.
You want to see mean christians? Go to a church council meeting! Some of the “meanest” stuff I’ve ever seen – and at the hands of our “elders” – is that how we’re supposed to look after “walking with Jesus” for many decades? No thanks!
Hi Jeff: good post.
Why do “spiritual people” feel the need to manipulate others ? by being mean, .. (I mean .. lol) that’s a good ?? you have put here. Being controlling, unloving, harsh, as a Christian for some seems to work I guess, , so in essence, they yield to these types of behaviours . They ended up wounding others all the time rather than letting love actually win another’s heart and capture others. They fail to reflect as kansas bob said the true love , nature and character of God. They think Truth is more important than love, but as Jesus showed us, Love is the most important part of Truth.
I go for No. 3 every time. Certainly those Christians who annoy and frustrate me most are from a brand of churchmanship which even looks down on and often questions the spiritual credentials of other Christians.
Don’t believe in the inerrant word of God? Don’t beleive that God hates all gays? You are a false Christian and you are going to HELL!
Sigh
Great post. This is something I get pretty passionate about. The Church (big “C”) in the US lost sight of its mission a long time ago. The idea that the culture is the enemy and the Church is a sanctuary in which to hide from it is in total opposition to Jesus’ teaching.
Somewhere along the way we lost sight of grace and started believing that it is our good works that will satisfy the demands of righteousness. As a result, we feel this constant need to perform well, look right, act right, and never get close enough to a sinner to get stained by them.
We replaced the cross with moralism and “good family values”. We forgot that if we wanted to find Jesus, He’d be hanging with the low-life sinners we are so afraid of.
I think a lot of churches and Christ followers are waking up to the fact that if we want to reach the lost we have to be willing to touch them. I don’t think separatist fundamentalism will ever go away, but I see some progress that gives me hope.
KB and Sarah,
Good points, both…I think both of you have touched on a common thread that there is often a disconnect between the person of God and the church in general. When God is more of an idea, not only do WE not connect with His love, but we likewise do not share that love with others–because we aren’t really plugged into it.
Steve,
Tell me about it. 🙂 (For those who have never had the opportunity to see their pastor act like Satan…I hope you never have to.)
Ruth,
Interesting connection you make between mean-spiritedness and manipulation. I need to chew on that awhile…
DP,
Sigh.
Ben,
Thanks for the insights and thoughts here. I think a couple of things you touched on have stirred me for another post. Thanks for helping me perpetuate this blog. 🙂
I think all your points are spot on. In my opinion point number two leads to point number three which in turns leads to point number one. In other words I believe the root of the problem is that today’s church is not following a Savior. They are following a religion. The church itself has become the thing to worship for most.