I was just kidding about that last post. I wrote this one right after, just saved it for posting later, for the humor effect. 🙂
I wasn’t kidding about being a procrastinator, though. Although I’d have to say that like most of us, I’m a bit selective in what I procrastinate on. And while sometimes that’s just normal human stuff, sometimes the things we put off can tell on us. What we are avoiding can tell us what’s going on in our souls.
On the human level, I tend to procrastinate cleaning and sorting. It’s not that I’m lazy, just that I’m not interested. Cleaning and sorting is my idea of nothing to do. I think it’s part of my makeup as a creative person–I look for things to do that engage my mind, and cleaning just doesn’t. There are times, though, when I’m in the mood to put things away and clean–like when I get pissed because I can’t find anything anymore, and when I do find it, it’s covered in an inch of dust. Then I’m a cleaning and sorting fool. 🙂
But I’ve also noticed that there are other things that do engage my mind, that inspire me, that stir my creativity–but for some reason I procrastinate those things, too. My guitar, for example.
Guitar was actually my first instrument; I got my first one when I was four, and played it at a basic level until I was nine–and then I traded it for piano, which is now my primary instrument. But I noticed awhile ago that my songwriting was starting to feel stale, and I wanted something to expand my palatte. So I took some tax refund money and bought a guitar, and took some lessons to get my chops back.
Like most grownups who take up an instrument, I started out playing it every day. I even wrote a cool song or two on it. But life started happening, I couldn’t afford the lessons anymore, I got busy…blah, blah, blah. So for awhile now, I’ve been picking up the guitar maybe once every few weeks, for a few minutes at a time.
To my dismay and disgust, I realized this morning it’s been over 2 years since I bought that dang guitar.
I haven’t made any progress since I stopped playing every day. I play the same song I wrote on it when I first got it, then put it away. I still have the guitar; I’m still even excited about it, because that guitar somehow represents my future, my destiny. Part of why we moved to Denver was to get into a creative environment where the limits would be taken off of our ability to create.
So why am I procrastinating on something as foundational to my life as music?
It isn’t because “life” is limiting me anymore. It’s because of the limits in my own soul. It has to be. That guitar has come to symbolize what life will be like for me someday. But as long as it sits in the case for weeks at a time, that’s all it is–a symbol. It will never be more than that if I procrastinate. In a sense, I’m delaying my own destiny with my lack of discipline.
When I asked why I was procrastinating, it was a rhetorical question. I know the answer–it’s the same thing that limits most of us from whatever our destiny happens to be: fear. Our hopes and dreams are safely kept when they remain in the future, closed up in the case, collecting dust, waiting for a day yet to come. Once we open that case and start actually doing something with it, we become responsible for the outcome, either success or failure. And that’s just plain scary.
I want a future that involves that guitar. And I’m afraid of it, too. That’s why I’ve been procrastinating it. It isn’t that I don’t have the time. Time to stop bullshitting myself.
So yesterday, when I realized that one of my excuses for not practicing is that I have to use my laptop as a guitar tuner and I hate having to go to the trouble–I walked to the guitar store around the corner from my place and bought a tuner, so I wouldn’t have that excuse anymore. Baby steps, but it’s something. (And yes, I practiced when I got the tuner home.) And today, when I wonder if I should practice and make some lame excuse why I can’t, I’m determined to blow that excuse out of the water. Some things are worth not putting off. I can’t say I’ll always do the right thing about this; but I see now what I’ve been doing, and why, and I’m sure gonna try to conquer it.
What about you? What are you procrastinating that might be delaying your destiny?
(Don’t say “cleaning” unless your dream is to be a janitor.)
Don’t put it off. Start talking.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Hey, don't dis the janitors!! (But, truth be told, I clean a lot better at the place where I janitor a bit than I do at home. Hmmm)
On a different note (playing along with your guitar/tuner theme) I think procrastination sometimes reveals our priorities. This, of course, may well be because of fear, or other motivators, but we still end up doing what we WANT to do. For example, I am here on the computer. Not too much chance of me procrastinating on that as soon as I stepped in the door!
Al,
You prolly get paid more to clean that other place than at home. 🙂 And like I said…if it's your dream, go for it. 🙂 No dis intended.
I mentioned in the post that procrastination is selective. I tend not to procrastinate on the computer, either. 🙂
I prayed before I read your blog (I did look back at the previous one,and laughed). But honestly I was looking for wisdom, and something that applied to my present situation. And God was faithful to provide that. The 'answer'? FEAR. I have struggled with conveying my feelings in a timely manner, and I now deeply regret my inaction. I know you were pulling for something that God has for us that we are not entering into because of procrastination, but working on this relationship IS a profound part of my future. Thanks.
Okay, coupla things…
1) This is the first time (that I've noticed) a your use of a full-on "cuss" word in a post. Personally, I'm not sure whether to applaude or chastise you… 😉
2) You bought a tuner? I thought you had perfect pitch…
Anon,
Very glad my personal crap ended up helping someone else. 🙂 Thanks for the comment.
Aaroneous,
1) There just wasn't a better word to use. 🙂 More about trying to be honest than profane. Wondered if someone would call me on it. And I am chuckling that you don't know whether to applaud me or chastise me, because the mental image of you doing either one makes me want to ROFL. 🙂
2) My wife asked the same question. 🙂 I do have perfect pitch in that I can correctly pick letter names and chords by ear. Narrowing it down to exact cents is another matter. When I try to tune a guitar without a reference point, my "perfect" pitch works against me, because I'm never satisfied with the few cents I'm off with one string or the other, and it makes me want to…um…cuss. 🙂 Another very good reason to get a tuner.
3) Dude! You still here?
Still here…just haven't felt very bloggy lately.
Figured it was something like that on the tuning…