So I am continuing to ponder the issue of the suppression of women in the church–and not just in the church, but in our culture–and the need for men to be an active part of the process of healing and restoration. (If you are a man and are still wondering what the big deal is, please see this post. And this one wouldn’t hurt, either.) In the past month, this conversation has spanned numerous blogs and taken several twists and turns, but it has been a very needed discussion. And in my opinion, it needs to continue…and to move even beyond discussion into action. And so as things occur to me, I will continue to post them.
What I’m about to share here is merely an observation, based on what I’ve seen, and informed by what I believe about the gifts God has placed in the woman. I don’t pretend to have the inside track on what women think or feel, nor do I presume to put words into women’s mouths here. To tell you the truth, being a man, I feel a bit at a disadvantage in sharing this…so if you’re a female and don’t find you relate to what I’m going to share–or even if you think I’ve missed the boat on this one–feel free to give your input and help me clarify. But I’m seeing a pattern that I’m not hearing anyone really verbalize, and so I wanted to just put it on the table for people to look at and think about.
Despite the progress that has been made in affording women more opportunities for advancement (not just in the church but in our culture), it’s pretty evident that this is still a “man’s world”, and that sexism is still an issue. (For any men who might still be in denial about that, please see this post.) We see how women are breaking into (and succeeding in) more arenas previously considered “man’s territory”; but we don’t always see the steep uphill climb women still must make in order to “make it”.
I think there are many ways women try to compensate for the disadvantage they still must feel in a man’s world. But one thing I’ve observed that (if I’m right) is really quite tragic: it seems like many women compensate by suppressing elements of their own femininity and acting more like men–especially when they are trying to gain professional acceptance. When I take a mental inventory of some of the more successful or higher-profile women I know of, it seems like most of them act in many ways more male than female. They speak more sharply and act more assertively; they often prefer conservative fashions that lean toward gender-neutral; and they often project an exaggerated sense of confidence and strength that rivals that of many men. When I say this, I do so recognizing that women have a broad spectrum of personalities and styles, just as men do, and I’m not attempting to stereotype women as if to say there is a specific way they should act. But let’s just say that for many of the women I’m describing, it just seems like it’s out of character…like they are projecting a persona that differs from who they really are. And when a female projects a false persona that seems more masculine than feminine, it begs the question as to why.
When I see this kind of thing, it gives me the notion that the woman in question feels like she must act less like a woman and more like a man in order to have a footing in a man’s world…like this is how she must be in order to gain the respect of men. It also gives me the notion that if that woman didn’t feel pressured to “man up” like this–if she felt free to just be herself, like she could be accepted on her own terms–that she would act much differently. It’s as if the real woman inside her is hiding.
Surprisingly (or not)…I see this tendency also among many female leaders in the church. Even in circles that claim to support the active role of women in leadership, it appears quite often (though not always) like the female leaders still carry this burden of having to downplay their femininity and act more like a male would act. Even with women functioning in team ministry with their husbands, you can sometimes see it.
Sadly, and tragically…I believe this perception is true. I believe that if these women dropped the more masculine persona and accentuated their feminine traits, many people (both men and women) would actually take them far less seriously. And if I’m right about what I’m seeing, this multiplies the tragedy of it–not just the tragedy that women feel they must act this way to be accepted in a man’s world, but the tragedy that they are quite probably correct.
A convenient illustration of what I’m saying can be found in the 2008 U.S. presidential campaign. Hillary Clinton, the first woman candidate for President, was regularly lampooned for her pantsuits, and late-night pundits joked about her being “one of the guys.” But she had it easy compared to V.P. candidate Sarah Palin. When she came on the scene, wearing skirts and sporting a more feminine look, what happened? We scandalized the cost of her wardrobe, we photoshopped her into a bikini, and we tried to turn her into a porn star. (If this doesn’t convince you something is still wrong, I don’t know what will.) True enough, there were other factors (like a couple of bad press interviews) that caused her not to be taken as seriously as Hillary Clinton; but the fact is, people were exploiting her femininity long before those interviews. Both ladies took it on the chin during the campaign; but it just seemed to go better overall for the woman who wore the pantsuits.
The thing is, Scripture tells us both male and female were created in God’s image; one is not preferable to the other. But equality does not mean sameness. There are things in one gender that are not in the other, and vice-versa. But both are the image of God. The femininity that God placed in woman is a gift that should be treasured by both sexes, and not exploited or despised by either. And a woman should never feel like she has to suppress or conceal her own nature, or “man up” in order to be part of the club. Even when a woman is given freedom to advance, or equal opportunity…if she cannot be who she really is, then the full image of God is still being corrupted, and sexism (although more subtle) is still working its evil.
And this is where men have the opportunity to help heal the wound…especially those of us who are believers and Christ-followers. Jesus was known for crossing social boundaries to reach out to women and respectfully lift them up–sometimes literally lifting them out of the dirt. If we are His followers, than this is our example. The church should not be behind the curve on this issue; we should be ahead of it. If there is anyone who should set a new standard for releasing women into their gifts in fullness, allowing them to be whom God has made them to be…it should be their brothers in Christ.
May we not only release women to speak, achieve and succeed; may we also release them to be women. Our sisters have been in hiding for far too long.
That’s what I think, anyway. 🙂
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Jeff,
Thank you for this. I think you are right-on with everything you shared in this post. I mean this. YOu TRULY understand the dynamics that are occurring with men and women.
You are such a blessing, Jeff. I simply cannot express the Love and Truth you are sharing…how this has touched my heart.
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
I agree that a lot of women try to emulate male machismo to be taken more seriously – and Hillary Clinton is a good example. Such a different political style, than say, Angela Merkel (current Chancellor of Germany). And this is, indeed, tragically ironic. Because it still promotes the fundamental lie behind sexism: male is better.
Your post also brings to light another problem women face routinely in our culture: you can’t win, whichever way you go. There’s many examples, but the political one works well. If you wear skirts, you are an airhead “feminine mystique” beauty-queen. If you wear pants, you’re a mannish bitch. (Pardon my french, but you can see the catch-22). In secular youth culture, girls who are sexually active are sluts, while girls who aren’t are stuck-up snobs. Often, when there are choices to be made, women have been condemned by males no matter which path they choose. Not all males, but the wider male society: the “man’s world”. That is a very difficult reality in which women struggle to navigate their way.
The only thing I might question is how we define “feminine” and “masculine.” For example, I’ve known lots of athletic, outdoorsy women who have never been interested in high-heels and skirts, but are very womanly, motherly, etc. They are feminine because God created them as woman – not because they fit some cultural concept of how a woman should be.
Or even what a man should be, for that matter. I know guys that hate watching sports on TV. And guys that would rather stay in the comfort of a hotel, and explore an art museum than camp or fish. Doesn’t make them any less a man – just unique to who God created them to be.
I know your post tried to be sensitive of that. But really, what *does* make us feminine? What *does* make us masculine? These are interesting questions. And I think the bottom line is God chose our gender, so it’s already settled. Just be yourself. 🙂
Amy,
Thank you for adding your confirmation here. I think it’s important that this issue continue to be discussed.
Sarah,
Your remarks contain the exact kind of “tweaking” I was hoping to get from this conversation. Thank you for pointing out how easy it is for us to have preconceived notions of what “masculine” and “feminine” mean. I happen to *be* one of those men who don’t like TV sports or camping or fixing things. Hotels rock. 🙂
As you detected, I did find myself grappling with definitions a bit even within the post and tried not to be insensitive (though I don’t know if I succeeded–and this was actually the third draft!). What I did come to was that when I sense that a woman is *not* acting herself, that her persona appears a bit fabricated, that’s when I question whether she’s trying to act a bit more like a man. Not just because she doesn’t act like a “girly-girl”. My own wife doesn’t fit that image, either, actually. In fact, she is the one in our family who is into power tools. 🙂 But she is also, in my view, entirely feminine. As herself. Very well put.
I also liked how you pointed out the catch-22 women face in being judged by someone no matter *how* they act or dress. It’s wrong that this happens at all, but in a way, it still supports the argument for being who you are. It seems to me that if you’re just as likely to get blasted over a false persona (which takes more work to maintain), it is just as well to be yourself. It reminds me of when Peter wrote that if it must be so, it’s better to suffer for doing what is right than for doing what is wrong. Not quite the same thing…but same logic applies. Thanks again!
Yes, definitely. 🙂
Your post reminded me of something Charles Krauthammer said when he was asked about Palin. (I think it was specifically in regard to her first speech at the Republican Convention.) He said that the burden of a woman in our society is to prove she is tough, and he felt that Palin’s speech was successful on that front.
So he has made the observation, too, that for a woman to be successful in our society, she must exhibit what is generally considered a masculine trait – toughness.
You have opened up a very complicated issue, and there are so many angles to it, but one thing that I think (my opinion, here) has to be addressed if we hope to come to a place where women can be accepted for who they are, is the issue of pornography. I believe pornography causes men to view women as only sex objects, and that interferes with men being able to respect women. Then a woman has to suppress her femininity to be taken seriously. Of course, Dr. James Dobson says that to a degree men are wired to see women as sex objects (and that is apart from exposure to porn), so sometimes it’s easy to feel discouraged about the prospects of there being a healthy community where men and women can be themselves and find acceptance.
I definitely believe that in the Christian community, we should be able to accept men in their masculinity and women in their femininity, and respect each individual as a person made in God’s image. I certainly cherish any relationship as precious in which I can be myself and find acceptance.
B. Knox,
Thanks for chiming in. There can be no doubt that porn is a terrible exploitation of women, a blight on our culture that magnifies sexism, and a snare for men (and women) everywhere. I think it is no accident that pornography came on the scene at a time when women were just beginning to make progress toward equal footing in our culture. And I agree that porn, as well as other forms of sexual abuse and exploitation, can easily contribute to the woman’s impulse to hide her femininity, and her beauty, for her own protection.
That said…I’d have to agree with Dr. Dobson, even going one further, and submit that men have been viewing women as sex objects far longer than porn has been around. Porn has only been “mainstream” for around 50 years, and didn’t exist in its current form until photography was invented; while prostitution is “the world’s oldest profession.” Porn magnifies the woman-as-sex-object viewpoint, to be sure; but if men didn’t already have that problem to some extent, there wouldn’t have been much market for porn in the first place.
And any discussion of pornography should also include the peripheral facts–that men are also exploited by pornography (by the unfair manipulation of their visual reflexes, and the seduction of unsuspecting young men, and to get money); that many women are also addicted to porn; and that porn also reduces many men to sex objects. It’s one big messy diabolical exploitation of humanity, no matter how you slice it.