The Stuff That Doesn’t Make It Through the Filter

There are two things I still grapple with in my life. Actually there’s more, but I’m just going to talk about two. And they are interrelated, and they work in combination.

The first thing I grapple with is a desperate need to be understood. I hate to be misunderstood, to be wrongly judged, or falsely accused…whatever you want to call it. I’ve been told I’m a very good communicator, not only in writing, but in speaking. I’m good in mediation situations because I can often bridge the gap in communication breakdowns between two parties. Some might call it a gift, but I think most of my ability to communicate is an unintended byproduct of this obsession I have with explaining myself. I have spent countless hours replaying conversations in my head–especially when I felt the other person didn’t understand me–rehearsing what I wish I’d said, or what I would like to say if given the opportunity, anything to make that person understand. I think I was able to trace this once to something in my childhood, but right now I can’t place it. Obviously, this is something I’m still working on, although I’m a lot better about it than I used to be. 🙂

The second thing I grapple with is the mindsets, or filters, that people carry in their minds. We all have them, I think. For some reason, the way people look at the world affects how they interpret what they hear, what they see, or what they read. And the same word can mean many different things to many different people (like the word “church”, for example–or the word “Christian”). So because of the filters, whenever one person tries to communicate with others, the challenge isn’t just to get them to hear what you say, but to know what you mean by what you say. For some people, the filter is so strong that you can talk to them until you are blue in the face, and their response will tell you they didn’t hear anything you just said. They know you were saying words, and they might even think they know what you were saying…but the filters in their heads caused your words to paint a completely different picture for them than what you intended.

Can you see how these two things in combination could make a guy like me want to bang his head against a wall? 🙂 Not only do I feel this great need to be understood…but the filters we hear through guarantee that at some point misunderstanding is going to happen. Not just once, but over and over again.

Crap.

So think about how this plays out in the main subject matter on this blog: re-thinking church. Looking at Christ-following through a different lens; questioning certain practices of the church that we’ve taken for granted for centuries. Re-evaluating our methods without compromising our principles.

Talk about mindsets: hoo, boy. Christian and non-Christian alike, we’re loaded with mindsets about this stuff. Lots and lots of filters. So sometimes, no matter how long I labor over a post, no matter how much I edit and rewrite to make sure I said exactly what I intended to say…the law of averages says someone’s going to misunderstand the intention, and it will show up in the comments. And I’ll be going, “Wait; this was in writing. Didn’t you read what I wrote?” Of course they read it, and they are even sincerely trying to process it. But you can just tell that the filters got in the way, and some stuff didn’t get through. So the word picture I painted looks very different upon their canvas than it did on mine when I wrote it down.

Maybe if I tape a pillow to the wall, I can prevent head injury.

Now, I’m not really all that neurotic; my tongue is in my cheek here for comic effect. But you get what I’m saying, right??

The thing is…even Jesus dealt with this issue. How many times was He misunderstood during His earthly ministry? (For that matter, how often is He misunderstood today?) Jesus even went so far as to say that for all the amazing things He taught, and for all the miracles He did–no one could even come to Him unless the Holy Spirit was already drawing that person. He often taught in parables specifically because He knew He was dealing with people who would not understand. And over and over again, He’d finish off something He said with, “He who has ears to hear–let him hear.” Obviously, Jesus understood the power of filters.

So…is it all hopeless? Not in the least. I think the key can be found in Jesus’ approach. He went along, sharing, teaching, being who He was, knowing that people would misunderstand, but moving forward anyway. And when He said that no one comes to Him unless the Spirit draws him–this is very important. This suggests that dealing with the filters is the Holy Spirit’s territory–not ours. This is why Jesus could confidently say things He knew were going right over His disciples’ heads at the time, knowing that at some point the Holy Spirit would bring it back to them. He even told them once, “What I’m about to tell you, you won’t understand; but you will understand it later.”

This one revelation–that the Holy Spirit deals with our filters–is actually very freeing. This tells me, and really all of us, that while we should try to communicate the best we can about these things, we can’t be responsible for someone else’s filter. And we don’t have to take it personally when someone misunderstands. The Holy Spirit is the One who brings the understanding and removes the filter–in His own way, in His own time.

This also tells me…gulp…I have to learn to be okay with being misunderstood. Because it’s going to happen to all of us. And because pillows are for sleeping on, not for taping to the wall. And so, I am learning to put my head-banging ways aside. I am learning to rest in the fact that, just as the Spirit has removed so many filters from my own thinking, He can do for all of us. We can trust Him to do His job; He knows how to deal with the stuff that doesn’t make it through the filter.

Wayward Son

Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo. I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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