Regret

Every time I see one of those probing celebrity interviews, like where Barbara Walters is scouring the soul of some Hollywood icon, the question often comes up: Any regrets?

And when said celebrity smiles brightly and says, “No regrets,”–which is what the answer usually is–I wince inside.

In truth, I think anyone who says they have no regrets is either in denial, lying, or very, very rebellious.

I don’t see how any adult with any sense of conscience could not have some sense of regret. The Bible says all have sinned. None of us is without it. To say you have no regrets means either you’ve never done anything wrong, or that you’re not at all sorry for what you have done wrong. The question, I think, isn’t how to live life with no regrets, but how to live with them.

As for me…I have more regrets than I can count in my life. I simply don’t know how many times I’ve wished I had said something differently, done something differently, made a different choice here or there. How many times I ignored the still, small Voice screaming in my soul, and lived to pay the price. How many times I have wished I knew then what I know now. Opportunities I missed, moments I passed over, relationships I damaged, favors I took for granted, debts I couldn’t repay. And countless acts of selfishness which I can never take back.

Regret.

While regrets can be depressing if we let them…my regrets make me very thankful for the grace and forgiveness of God. It is greatly comforting to know that our bad choices are no surprise to God, and that His grace and mercy are fully extended to us through Christ. And part of receiving the forgiveness of God is to learn to forgive ourselves.

And yet…even understanding God’s grace and forgiveness, because actions still have consequences, there linger still the memories of things I wish I’d done differently. How are these reconciled with one another?

As I said…I don’t think the question is how to live with no regrets, but how to live with them. I am thinking that the healthiest way to live with regrets is not to allow them to bog us down, but to let them be our teachers. Regrets are about the past, and we cannot change what is past–nor should we dwell in the past. But we can certainly learn from our regrets in order to choose differently for the present. For me, regret is this little reminder that nudges me toward better choices. For example, it is the regret of moments that I’ve missed that helps me miss fewer of them now. The regrets of how I’ve dealt with people in the past help to shape how I deal with them now.

I think we Christians sometimes think of God’s grace, and the blood of Christ, as this mystical deal that is supposed to somehow erase our past. But I don’t see a lot of evidence of that, actually. The apostle Paul–the same guy who wrote that when we are in Christ, we are new creatures, and old things are passed away, and all things are new–this same Paul referred to himself as the chief of sinners and often referred to the sins of his past. Apparently when old things are passed away, that doesn’t mean they are forgotten. Paul obviously didn’t forget. But I think it was the realization of his past that made him so appreciate the grace Jesus extended to him. How did Jesus put it? “The one who has been forgiven much, loves much.”

For me…as much as I have to regret in my life, I don’t think I want to forget. There is a bittersweetness in remembering my sins, failures, and mistakes–not in a sense of condemnation, but as a place of knowing just how much I’ve been forgiven. As a broken human who is still being healed–I still say and do things that I regret. But in the grace and forgiveness God offers, I want Him to use my regrets to shape my life for the better.

In fact, honestly…that’s probably the only thing that regret is good for.