Ever watch those courtroom dramas on TV or the movies? Or follow real-life courtroom cases?
When the prosecution has a key witness that could seriously damage the case for the accused, or if some small-town joe sues the big corporation for some injustice that was done…the defense attorneys have a favorite strategy: dig for dirt. Look for any damning information about the witness, anything that makes him/her look bad, or dishonest, or whatever, and bring it out in court.
Why? Because when you reveal people’s flaws, for some reason it reflects on their credibility. As if only perfect people have a point to make. As if we only have to listen to people who have no baggage. The idea is if the messenger is found to be flawed, you don’t have to listen to the message.
The problem with this thinking, of course, is that nobody’s perfect. We’re all broken, we’re all messed up in some way. If we had to wait for a perfect messenger to deliver the perfect message, nobody would ever believe anyone, ever.
Unfortunately, this same mentality tends to run in Christian circles, too. When someone starts asking questions about the institutions that now encase our faith, or walks away from their institutional church because they are looking for something richer and deeper, or vocalizes some criticism about injustice in the church…it is a common tactic of institutional leaders to protect themselves by calling the witness’ credibility into question. “Oh, she’s just bitter and wounded.” “He’s deceived.” “She’s divisive.” “He’s in rebellion.”
The problem is, in all reality, some of those allegations are true. Sometimes we are wounded (more often than not, actually); sometimes we do have a rebellious streak that motivates our actions. And despite our best attempts to have the right attitude, sometimes our motives are mixed.
This doesn’t mean that what we’re saying isn’t true. It doesn’t mean we didn’t really see that something was wrong. What it does mean is that we’re simply messed-up people trying to figure it out.
I think about some of the other bloggers I’ve encountered since beginning this journey–people who are asking tough questions and making provocative statements about the church, and about faith in general. Yes, I know it’s the interweb, and people are not always what they seem. But you can learn a lot about a person’s nature by reading what they write in their blogs. And some of these folks are refreshingly honest about their brokenness.
I think about Erin, who has been blogging for awhile now. Erin has talked about sometimes being overwhelmed with life in general. She talks about how she likes Katy Perry’s song “I Kissed a Girl.” She talks about questioning the exclusive nature of the church, and she questions the existence of hell. If some institutional dude wanted to discredit her, she hands over plenty of ammunition. But in her transparency, she says a lot of things that are really worth thinking about. Erin never claims to have it all together, or even to be an expert on what she’s talking about. She’s just a messed-up person trying to figure it out.
I think about Jim, who infrequently attends the Lutheran church. If you read his blog, you’ll discover that Jim struggles with depression on occasion, sometimes uses strong language, and often feels like a dismal failure as a Christian. But amid blogging about life in general, Jim has made some brilliant observations about the church, and about the Christian life. If someone wanted to discredit him, they’d find plenty of reason to do so. But Jim doesn’t have an agenda to change Christianity as we know it; he’s just a messed-up person trying to figure it out.
I think about Kathy, a female co-pastor of an entire community of broken people. Kathy’s heart for the marginalized has caused her to see that not everything in Christianity is as cut-and-dried as people make it out to be, and this causes her to blur some lines and push some boundaries. She maintains some relationships from her previous institutional circles, a lot of whom probably think she’s gone off the deep end. And being a female in church leadership has no doubt exacerbated the issue. If you were inclined to write her off, you’d have no problem finding some excuse for not listening to her. But if you did that, you’d be missing some of the most thought-provoking and insightful dialogue found on the interweb. Kathy will be the first to tell you she’s no expert, and she struggles with second-guessing as much as anyone else does. She avoids the pastoral pedastal like the plague, because she knows she’s just a messed-up person trying to figure it out.
There are many others, too many to mention here. People in various stages of questioning and struggling, fighting through their own woundedness to find truth.
And me? I’m a recovering codependent pastor with serious control and fear issues. Like many leaders, I’ve caused a lot of damage to people, even while trying to do good to them. My own brokenness has caused me to stumble over myself more times than I can count. I second-guess myself constantly. And every once in awhile–though not often–someone shows up here to remind me of my failures. (Not recently, by the way.) I don’t need any help at all with credibility damage; there’s plenty of reason to be found not to take me seriously, if you’re so inclined.
But just because I’m broken doesn’t mean I’m blind. I’ve seen some things on my journey, and sometimes I’m right about what I’ve observed. It doesn’t make me an expert; it just means these things are worth talking about. I don’t claim to have the answers to how the church ought to look; I just know the questions I’m asking, are worth asking, and the opinions I have are worth considering, even if you arrive at a different conclusion.
Like so many others who are re-thinking church as we know it…I’m just one of many messed-up poeple trying to figure it out.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Hey, who you callin’ broken, dude! :o)
Anyone who’s had a logic and rhetoric class has learned the generic term for the fallacy (for that’s what it is) of digging for dirt on someone and using that to discredit their position on something is ad hominem, “arguing against the person” (as opposed to arguing against their ideals). As you point out, it is one of the most common attacks made in our society. Regardless, such attacks remain a logical fallacy.
And boy, howdy – anyone could probably use my blog against me – at church, work, family, wherever. Whatever. I decided I was not going to filter just because of that. And I’ve actually invited my pastor to read my blog. He glanced at it (no more) and said, “You’re not as out there as you think” and that was that. No follow up. No discussion. Huh.
Although you have blown my denominational cover, because while I have left comments on other’s blogs and in emails, I have never posted my denomination directly in my blog (oh, sure – there’s lots of hints – Reformation Day for one :o) because I don’t want it to ever be thrown in my face that I was dissing my denomination when in fact I dislike the existence of denominations, period, and think them all unbiblical.
Since you’re not perfect like me, I guess I can’t believe anything you say. 🙂
From one messed up pilgrim to another: thank you for your openness and ability to cut through the crap that has piled up around the church.
Maybe it takes a willingness to be transparent in order to see through to what’s really important.
Jim, sorry about blowing your cover. I did read somewhere about your denomination, but didn’t recollect the specific location. If you prefer, I can delete the mention of it from the blog, including these comments. Just let me know.
Just for the record, I did not call you broken…the term I used was “messed-up.” 🙂 But thanks for the transparency, nonetheless.
Co-heir,
Yeah, sorry for being messed up. Just ignore me, if you like. 🙂
Nah, I’m cool with it! :o)
Hey Jeff, good post. It reminds me of a card I made. We pass this out to folks as an invitation to connect with us.
read it here and let me know what you think.
Groovy, Jim. 🙂
J.R.,
Thanks for the link. I liked the post very much. And the card. 🙂
Jeff,
Aaahh…this post is great!! I can echo everything you have shared about Erin, Jim and Kathy! Truly, I too, have enjoyed following along with their lives and truly believe they are walking this Journey so authentically. They do have such a great way of being so honest and open about each step.
Thanks for this post.
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
Author of “Orphaned Into Belonging”
http://www.lulu.com/content/4781677
Walking In The Spirit
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
Aha! Now I know who to blame for Joe’s critique of my post about “I Kissed a Girl!” 😉
Thanks for thinking me messed up enough for this post — but don’t forget, I use bad words, too! 😉
I am seriously proud of being messed up…because I have been (or tried to be) the opposite, to my great detriment. I really am just trying to figure it all out and be honest about that and hope that honesty helps someone. Sometimes I do think I come across as Know It All, but if anyone reads for very long they know I contradict myself as much or more than I criticize the church or any of it’s practices. I just want to say outloud some of the struggles that many people have but don’t speak of, for fear of being judged for it.
I think in church we do tend to want to put ourselves up on pedestals. We want people to think we have it all together, have all the right beliefs, etc. But I found, personally, that this only set me up for greater failure in the end, because when I began to let my broken self show, I had further to fall in other people’s eyes.
Thanks for this, Jeff. I love all my messed-up friends.
I have heard many people (life long Church attenders) say that 12 step programs are the most spiritual place they have ever been. I think it because of the willingness to own our own broken-ness (messed up ness) rather than put on a plastic Stepford Christian smile.
My Priest once told me our Parish should be a hospital for sinners, not a country club for Saints. I really liked that because it made me realize our equality before the Throne, our equal imperfection.
I really liked J.R.MILLER’s card!
Amy,
Blogging is such a unique tool, and it’s an amazing irony how many people use it to be transparent before the world. Kind of a sign of our times, I think. At any rate…I agree that it is very refreshing to see and participate in the honesty.
Erin,
Your honesty is inspirational (obviously), so thanks for setting the example.
And, um, sorry for not acknowledging your use of bad words like Jim does. ??? Are you guys, like, competing in this category? 🙂
God bless.
M-I-T,
It seems to me that Kathy (whom I mentioned) said something very similar recently about the 12-step programs (referring to AA specifically).
I think more and more of us are realizing that the better way to engage our culture is from the place of honesty about our own broken condition, rather than pretending to something we are not.
Competing? F—–g A!
:o)
Pastor Jeff,
Do you think that acknowledging our broken-ness before Christ and others, would help outsiders to accept the Christian message better? That seems to be what you are saying, and I like the idea.
Wow, Jim. Just wow. Impressive.
Reminds me of another Jim (“Jimmy”) I grew up with. We used to have cussing matches in 2nd grade. 🙂 (You’re not him, are you?)
M-I-T,
Yeah, I think that’s what I’m saying. There’s a great story that illustrates this idea in Donald Miller’s book “Blue Like Jazz.” Worth a read sometime, if you haven’t yet.
Jim, putting the line through your curse words? Is that the “Christian” way to curse? less guilt involved if you use the lines? LOL
JR:
No, it was more out of respect for Jeff’s blog (since he doesn’t swear on his), and also because he moderates comments. :o)
There’s no competition! It’s a fact that I cuss way more than Jim does!
(At least on blog. I wouldn’t know in real life.)
Thanks Jim for clarifying, now that just gets me fired up.
Gee wilikers Jeff, why are you such a gosh darned tough moderator?
Hey, sorry for unleashing that last comment full of foul language. I hope no one was offended at my moment of weakness.
Golly Jeff, I guess with a tirade like that I will be in line for your next list of “messed-up” people. 😉
Hey, guys, it’s Thanksiving. Aren’t y’all supposed to be off eating turkey or something??
J.R., all is forgiven. Just mind your manners next time. I run a clean blog, gol-darnit.
so you're calling me messed up? late to the conversation, as usual, but it is so funny that you used this sentence "just a messed up person trying to figure it out…" i say that all the time 🙂 we're all just messed up people trying to figure it out…the only people i am really drawn to are honest people. it doesn't mean i don't care about not-as-honest people, it is just that i am like a moth to a flame for honesty & vulnerability. the reason why AA is so compelling is that all of the "leaders" are "participants", painfully aware of step 1 & our desperate need for God. hmmm. thanks jeff as always for your thoughts here!