Letting the Expression Fit the Need

Well, it looks like it’s time to take a step of faith. After spending nearly two years embedding myself in the local music scene, and finding several believers in the midst (and after being deliberately slow to act for awhile), I’m going to try getting a few of these musicians and artists together for a Bible study, to talk about faith, art, and the role of our art in mission.

I have no idea how it’s going to go, or how many people will turn up.  It’s definitely an experiment.  But I won’t know if it’s a good thing to do unless I try it.

I was talking to one of the interested musicians about this recently, and I caught myself saying words I shouldn’t have said. I kept saying things like “We’ll see what happens,” and “If it doesn’t work out…” –like I’m preparing myself for it to fail, or am not really into it.  Not a good way to convince people that it’s worth doing. 🙂  And while I caught myself at it (and won’t be saying those kinds of things going forward), I feel like there’s both positive and negative motives behind why I would have that kind of attitude about the study in the first place–so since this is my blog, I figured I’d unpack it a little.

On the negative side, I know there’s a huge personal reason why I would prepare for something to fail even before launching it: because I spent the last 10 years trying and failing (at least in my own mind) at pretty much every ministry endeavor I have attempted. I’m trying not to get too emotionally attached to any project, because I’ve had it up to here with disappointment, quite frankly.  I guess I figure if I don’t care too much about something, I won’t be devastated if it fails.  I greatly dislike seeing this in myself, but I’d be remiss not to admit it.  It’s the old pattern of trying to avoid pain. This is the part I need to self-adjust in my soul. I need to not be afraid to try and fail, and if I can’t believe in something enough to take the risk, I shouldn’t do it at all.

I stand self-corrected. 🙂

On the other hand, there is also a positive motivation behind my hanging onto this Bible study rather loosely, and this is something I do NOT want to change. Perhaps the best way I can put it is to say that in my deconstruction, I’ve come to view ALL specific ministry endeavors in a new light.  I no longer see events or gatherings of any kind as ends unto themselves, but as means to an end.

You see, my goal in mission is not to have a successful Bible study for musicians and to have lots of musicians come to it–although if that were to happen, it would be awesome.  My goal is to be an encouragement to the local talent, by whatever means I find at my disposal. I consider my role as a local music writer to be part of that goal, even though it doesn’t bear the typical earmarks most people think of when they think about “ministry.” I think the Bible study could also be good way to meet that goal–but if it turns out not to be helpful or to meet a legitimate need in people, then I’m game to try something else. Does that make sense?

This is the part I actually like about my attitude, and the part I intend to keep. It is a 180-degree turn from how I used to view ministry projects. When I launched a church, my goal was to have a successful church, and I persevered to keep that church going at all costs. It seems weird to say, but the ministry entity itself became an idol for awhile. But thankfully, God in His faithfulness used that experience to show my family and me what was, and was not, important with regard to having a successful project–so that when that expression had run its course, we were able to let it go. And through all the mistakes and mishaps, I think at least some people got blessed in the process.

So I’m carrying these lessons into this new season, and am determined that whatever I do in mission, I want to keep things in perspective. I don’t want to be confused about what the goal actually is. If the goal is simply to create an expression of Christian community (like a Bible study, or a church group, or whatever), then it becomes all too easy to start shaping that expression after our own personal whims and desires. But if the goal is to meet a need, then we will allow the expression to be shaped to fit the need. I think this is a key ingredient to being truly missional.

My goal used to be to have a successful “ministry” (according to whatever warped definition of “success” I happened to have). That is no longer my goal. I no longer want or need a ministry entity or event to consider myself successful. My goal is to be effective. I want to make a positive difference. That’s all. Anything else is a means to an end.

Lesson learned. (I hope.)