I’ve recently come to realize that I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis.
(And all the regular readers said in unison…”DUH!”)
No, really. I mean…I know I’m feeling the “being over 40” thing, but I’m not really talking about “mid-life” crisis here. Although it’s pretty amazing that this is happening at this stage of my life. Talk about timing. 🙂
You see, I’ve spent my whole life wearing some sort of label, some identification tag by which other people (especially Christians) could know what camp I stood with, what I believed, what the practice of my faith looked like. Actually, I’ve worn quite a few of these labels, so it’s not like I’ve stuck with one my whole life. I’ve changed name badges numerous times. Even so, I’ve felt okay as long as I was wearing some label. Or maybe it wasn’t the label itself, but the group of people that the label identified. Wearing the label made me feel…like I belonged.
Besides the obvious overarching title “Christian” (which I’ve carried since I was nine)–here are some of the “camp” labels I’ve had over the years:
Episcopalian
Charismatic
Word-of-Faith
Non-denominational
Evangelical
Renewal
Prophetic
Apostolic
Restoration
Worship
But here’s the thing. In this recent metamorphosis and transition from the past few years…somewhere along the way, I lost my name tag. Although there are elements of my background I still carry with me…I no longer feel I specifically relate to any of these particular camps, and can no longer wear the badges. (Not to mention the fact that most of these labels are still associated with institutional Christianity, and when I drew away from that camp…I was sort of disqualified from the rest.)
But I guess being outside the walls hasn’t stopped me from trying to find a label. I keep looking for what to call myself. (Something besides “prodigal”, “rebel”, or “heretic”, I mean.)
Once I finally came to grips with the fact that not only was I not in the institutions, but no longer belonged there…I started reading and studying to see what others outside the walls were thinking and doing. This is where I first heard the words “emergent” and “missional”, and I have found elements in both descriptions that resonate with how I’ve come to see the church, and people of a similar mind. Also…after meeting in our home for a number of years, we began to notice we weren’t the only ones. It turns out there is a whole “house church movement”–millions of people doing the same kind of thing! So in several respects, I guess I’m in good company.
But…
It also turns out that these descriptive words have already become labels of their own, and whole new subcultures have formed around them. And it also turns out I don’t relate to these subcultures. I don’t want to adopt the “house church” label because for us it’s always just been a method, and taking the label makes it feel more like I’m joining a cause or something. I have a hard time swallowing some of the theology I’ve heard coming out of the “emergent” camp, and I don’t feel I deserve to call myself “missional” yet, based on what the word means to me. So even among other exiles and outsiders…I can’t wear the badge, and I don’t feel like I truly fit.
So I continue to feel like I don’t really belong anywhere, like I’m just out here. Do you feel sorry for me yet? 🙂
Actually, my tongue is partly in my cheek here. Yes, it is a bit lonesome…but I really do understand why I’m not comfortable with the labels anymore. And without wanting to alienate any of my new emergent/missional/house church type friends out there…these movements kind of prove the point. What is it about us that as soon as we adopt a new word to describe where we are at or what God is doing with us, it has to become a movement?
Erin kind of alluded to this in her latest post…but it seems like when we take these labels, it becomes a subtle (or not-so-subtle) implication that we have discovered the “right” way to do things, the “right” way to think. We take the label because we believe this is the way to go–this is “it.” And before we know it, we have a movement. And before we know it, that movement has spawned its own subculture, lingo, and protocol.
And before we know it, that movement–which probably started as a revolution to the institutions surrounding it–that movement has become just one more institution. And I already see this happening with the emergent, missional, and house church movements. I mean–doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? What good is it to break free of one institution just to form another? Of what benefit is it if we shun the exclusivity of more traditional subculture of Christianity, only to form a new subculture with its own subtle brand of exclusivity? I know that isn’t the intention, but when you let a movement/subculture form, it’s kind of inevitable. Once you have a subculture, you have a clique. It can’t help but be a bit exclusive.
And that’s why, as much as I do find a kindred spirit in so many ways…I cannot embrace those labels, either. I just can’t bring myself to subscribe to another movement at this point in my life.
Even if that means I have to feel alone for the time being.
Although, in reality, I’m not alone. You see…there is one label I’m still okay with. It’s an ancient label that many have used to form a subculture and institution, but it’s never been completely hijacked from its original purpose. If you can get past all the crap and stereotypes that have been associated with it, it still carries deep meaning. And it’s one label that connects me with all the people I want to be identified with, including the One I love the most.
Some have started using a couple of alternate terms for it, but they all basically mean the same thing:
Christ-follower…
Disciple of Jesus…
Christian. I’m still okay with the word “Christian.” Not with the negative baggage some have associated with it, and not with the subculture or clique…but with what it really means.
Because what it really means is that I willingly identify myself with Christ–with His suffering, death and resurrection–and with everyone else who believes on Him.
After all the other labels have been stripped away…this is what is left. And this is where I belong.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Thanks for this – I really identify with what you’re saying – we’ve been meeting in homes for a year now and we still don’t know what to call ourselves – we usually just talk about “The Thing” cos we’re all as cautious about labels as we are about structures, programmes and empty rituals… But we’re still really trying to find the heart and voice of God in all the confusion – stripping back the labels and the institutional trappings has really helped us to think clearly. It’s a slower journey than we’re used to, but it’s borne out of a desire to follow the person of Christ, and not the religion that surrounds him. If that makes sense. ?. Anyway, thanks!
Rachy,
Following the Person of Christ is what it’s all about, isn’t it? I wish I’d had that kind of clarity when I started house church 10 years ago. Back then, we were just trying something “new”! (Ironic since house church is how the church started, LOL.) It took us the first 5-6 years just to deconstruct enough religion to get to where you guys *started* from–getting back to the Person of Christ. Good on you.
Jeff,
I definitely agree with you here. People always seem to need a label to describe who they are. I am tired of labels and tired of the aspects that they come to be associated with. When it all shakes down, they seem to always become known for things that are not related to Christ and what He stands for.
Like you, I simply call myself a Christian even though I don’t like the negative things that get tied to the name. But, I’ve yet to find a more clear name to describe who I am, or maybe better said, Whose I am. I’ve yet to figure it all out.
Blessings,
Gary
Jeff,
I couldn’t agree with you more. Just like you, I am not part of any particular movement or group. I do not consider myself emergent, post-modern, post-evangelical or even a Free Believer anymore, because such groups have created within themselves, a whole subculture.
I have come to the comfortable and good conclusion, that like you, I simply consider myself:
Christ-follower and Disciple of Jesus.
It’s so neat that we both came to this heart decision around the same time. It really “dawned” on me about two months ago…but has grown deeper, more so, that just to identify myself this way, is most of Truth of who I am.
Great post, by-the-way!
Blessings,
~Amy 🙂
I call myself a disciple of Jesus, because around here everybody’s a Christian, whether they believe anything or not.
Yeah great points Jeff – labeling as a social theory esp in relationship to theories of criminal behaviour is seen as being very destructive.
This is why I enjoy being pragmatic – eclectic … oh, wait a minute – now that’s a label – isn’t it?
Gary,
Because it has become such a loaded term–for all the wrong reasons–some are moving away from the name “Christian” for things like “Christ-follower” or “disciple of Jesus”. And I don’t blame them, and I interchange with those terms myself. But looking back at what the word *means* and why the word was coined in the first place (Acts 11:26)…I cannot deny what I am. “Christian” still best describes what I am. Or at least, what I aspire to be. 🙂
Amy,
I think there are two places where the labels have multiplied like rabbits, to the point it is entirely confusing: Christianity and music genres. 🙂 Seems to me it’s just healthy to get back to basics.
Co-heir…great point. Bible-belter, huh? 🙂 Who’d have ever thunk we’d need a word *stronger* than “Christian” to describe our faith?
Mark,
I’d be a pragmatic-eclectic myself…that is, if I could pronounce it. 🙂
Great post Jeff. How true it is that the general trend for those who “come outside the camp” is that they quickly form another camp – that will eventually need to be come out from.
I think it goes back to that tendency toward religion that resides within us all. The carnal nature is hopelessly religious – always seeking a new method or form that will get us closer to God. Oh how we need to see the hope of Glory within us!
I noticed your recommendation of Al Hirsche’s book and something he said in a conference has really stuck with me. He said that we must always remember to separate the body of Christ from the forms which it inhabits.
No matter what, when saints are gathered, form emerges. Some forms allow for more true building of one with another, some constrict the flow of life to such a degree that the body is essentially lifeless. But regardless – it is not the accuracy of form that constitutes the body.
I say this because it seems that labels are applied to forms and if we would cease emphasizing form we would no longer feel the need for labels.
Oh I could go on – but thanks for the provocation of thought, as your writing always does!
Well, Jeff, you sorta beat me to the punch here. 😉
My next post is going to be more about labels and why/why not to retain the label of “Christian”. It’s all very similar to what you have said. And really it’s all very postmodern in the sense that we maybe don’t need to fit into something that has it’s mission clearly outlined already. It’s the unknowing we have to grow accustomed to.
Two things Douglas Weaver said above really struck me:
“the general trend for those who “come outside the camp” is that they quickly form another camp – that will eventually need to be come out from.“
and
“it seems that labels are applied to forms and if we would cease emphasizing form we would no longer feel the need for labels.“
In my mind these two statements pretty much encompass this entire conversation.
I’m grateful to know I’m not just insane, but that other people are thinking this way, too. It’s always extremely helpful to find people who can validate what we are feeling and seeing happen in our lives. This is good.
Douglas,
That statement you shared from Al Hirsch rings true here, and I dare say it sums up one of the primary reasons for this blog's existence. We need to separate form from substance.
This idea of the church inevitably taking a form is a huge point that Hirsch & Frost's book "ReJesus" makes. They talk about a cycle that happens with the church (and other movements) where structure forms out of necessity in order to perpetuate the heart of the movement…but that structure (ironically) will become the very thing that starts to bog it down. Hence the need to strip it back and return, not once but repeatedly, to our founding principles, and the Founder of our faith. Good stuff.
Erin,
This is what happens when you write such thought-provoking stuff on your blog. It, um, provokes thought. 🙂 Sorry if I stole your thunder a bit–completely unintentional. Looking forward to your post.
Don’t misunderstand me….you didn’t steal my thunder, not at all. Rather, you confirmed what I’ve been feeling. So thank you.
Erin,
Glad to hear it. I, too, am thankful to know that this process is happening with others.
How about: kind, caring, loving, serving, sharing?
If someone demands more, I go with follower of Jesus or follower of Jesus’ teachings. Every other label lumps me together with people who may or may not be what I am.