I know that title sounds weird…but that is exactly the way things have felt for me the past few months. 🙂
There was a time–actually, most of the time our house church was in existence, except for the last couple of years–when my biggest emphasis was on the longevity of the ministry. In seeing the church as an “organization” more than an eternal entity that can shift and change, I wanted the thing we’d started to outlast us. I used to tell our people that everything we did was a precedent-setter, and that I wanted to see this ministry still functioning 50 years from now.
Sounds kind of strange now that a house church leader would say things like that. But that’s where I was at.
But when you begin to truly see the church as an organism (and not just say you see it that way because it’s chic), it really changes your perspectives on what is important. You stop seeing the gatherings as “church” and realize that they are just expressions of the eternal Church. And those expressions have different seasons and life spans.
If God had led us to leave this area 4 years ago, I would have been frantically trying to set someone in as a replacement. But in God’s timing, by the time we got the message that it was time to leave (and knowing also that it seems to be within God’s plan to send out our people to different places), we were prepared to let this expression of the church “breathe out.” And so were the others.
If we had held onto the house church, and tried to keep it together when things weren’t “gelling” the way they used to–or if we tried to keep it glued together, or bring in “fresh blood” to keep it going–I am convinced at some point it would have imploded, leaving damaged relationships in its wake. But because we have held it loosely, we have recognized the transition season for what it is, and given grace to one another…and friendships will continue beyond the season as we part ways peacefully.
So for about a year now, I’ve watched with this almost morbid interest as the house church began to decline. We sensed what was happening, but knew somehow it was in God’s plan and we shouldn’t touch it. I’ve never seen this dynamic in all my years in church/ministry. I experienced grief; I experienced regret over what I wished could have been; I experienced the sense of loss. And yet, with the sense of loss, this incredible sense of hope began to fill in the empty places–fresh vision, new dreams.
As family after family has left town, I’ve watched our little community dwindle by over 50 percent since last summer. We said good-bye to one more early this morning. We’re down to seven people. And three of them are us. 🙂
But because I know deep within that this is supposed to happen, there is a glimpse of something beyond the horizon–a glimpse of what can happen if we let it go.
The house church is in hospice care. That’s really what it feels like. This expression of the church is dying, and it’s supposed to. It’s part of the divine life cycle, and something new will take its place.
It’s hard to watch. But it’s also fascinating. And I’m not grieving like I once was, although it’s still bittersweet. These people have been my family. These are the people who came for house church and sometimes stayed until we headed for bed. (One time we actually left them in the living room and told them to turn off the lights when they left.) Lots of memories; life has definitely been lived with these people. And now God is sending us different directions, for His own purposes.
And I’m not just okay with that. I’m good with it, because I know it is the best chance for all of us to further the Kingdom.
So one week from this Sunday, this expression of house church will officially breathe its last.
But the church will never die.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Hi Jeff, the "group" I belong to has deconstructed totally(I think) 🙂 All that is left is the friendship that bonds us together and the knowing that Jesus is somehow involved in our lives. Probably because we believe in friendship, camaraderie and family, the bonds are never broken. As you've said. The church will never end. In this group are friends we've seen last Friday for the first time in 9 years. They, however, remain part of our "expression" of church. Thank God, He is everwhere 🙂 God bless.
We've been through this peculiar process as well. Actually a couple of rounds… but we are still well and alive and expressing the love of Christ. Yup!
Just as being at the wake of a truly good, old person, this expression of a house church dying somehow feels the same. It was time. It was good.
In my study of organizational dynamics, one of the things leaders typically miss is that often an organization has a limited lifespan. It's not a bad thing. And when they hold on, trying to keep it alive, when it's supposed to die, it's depressing.
Well done for letting go.
Abmo,
This sense of relationship that transcends the "expression"–to me, that's what the church community is all about. Thanks!
Kool,
Yup. 🙂 Glad there are others like you who understand…
Barb,
Great analogy, and a good description of how this feels.
Jonathan,
Thanks. Your words remind me of a post I wrote last year called "The Oldest Church in Texas". A tiny red padlocked building set in the midst of a sprawling cemetery. No kidding. Hard to find, even on purpose, no number in the phone book. More dead members than living ones, yet apparently someone still meets there. Like the expression died a long time ago, but they are keeping it alive. Like a zombie church or something. 🙂 Yes…sometimes it's good to let go.