New Year Reflections

I generally don’t make New Year’s resolutions–mainly because they are promises that almost nobody keeps, and I’m not inclined to add regrets to my existing list. Not to say I’m underachieving or am committed to mediocrity–I just prefer to set goals for myself as opposed to making promises to myself. Sort of a “let your yes be yes, and your no be no” kind of thing.

However, I do think that a new year on the calendar is a good time to take inventory, to clean house, to acknowledge the good and bad of the past year and look ahead to the next. So you kind of get to sit on this while I do that in this post. Aren’t you privileged?

Last year really seemed to be a year of personal transition for me, as I began in earnest to shift from simply covering the music scene to becoming part of it as a singer/songwriter. While I can’t say my “career” is taking off, playing regularly in the coffee shop is serving to help build community among various musicians who participate in that process. There’s a lot of it that is happening organically, completely outside of anything I am purposely doing to promote it. I feel at times like I’m simply along for the ride–but for now, it seems like a ride I’m supposed to take.

At the same time, I’m having a bit of a personal crisis because between that and increased freelance writing responsibilities, I have become quite lax in my role as a local music blogger over the past months. I go to far fewer shows, and when I do, I feel more distant. Right now, as the new year begins, I’m taking serious inventory on this part of my mission, trying to discern whether I’ve lost my way and just need to regroup, or whether God is shifting my mission to another form.

And then there is another factor, which I’ve mentioned before: composing the score for The Director’s new short film has really pushed me and awakened me creatively, in ways I have not felt in simply years. There’s no real strategy here except to push ahead along this road and see where it goes, but I have to face the very real possibility that this may become a career for the next phase of my life–and if that happens, I certainly couldn’t rule out another major move somewhere down the line. So that’s another question that remains to be answered.

So I guess if I’m taking inventory, while 2012 personally was probably one of the most prosperous years our family has experienced, it also raised more questions than it answered. That’s what I mean by a transition year. I’m actually okay with not knowing the answers, and I feel that the “goal” here is simply to let these different aspects of our lives play out and see what sticks. And in that regard, I think 2013 is going to be an exciting year.

As for how this all relates to mission, and my role in it–I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching over the past few months, because when you’re traveling in uncharted waters, it’s very easy to start feeling like you are drifting, that you’ve lost your way. I have felt that a lot this past year, especially with regard to how my connection to the music scene has been changing shape. With all that has been happening with my personal development, I’ve sometimes wondered whether I was losing sight of the mission to reach out to others.

Looking back at these recurring feelings over the past year, however, I actually believe this is part of the greater plan, that God is reshaping each of us in my family for a new season. Every time I go back to God with questions about ministry and my role in it, one thing stays pretty clear: I’m still called, and that’s not going to go away. God sends me plenty of reminders in that regard. And yet, I feel like this season of exploration and uncertainty is still okay with Him, even if I feel at times like I’m not really accomplishing much.

With regard to mission, then, here’s what I’m convinced of:

1. We are still on one. (A mission, that is.) Even if it seems like this past year was more about personal development than outreach.

2. I am still called to this mission. (I say “I” not to single myself out from the rest of my family, but just because I can only answer this question for myself.)

3. I still maintain a strong desire to reach the creative community around me with love and hope in the name of Christ, in whatever capacity I can, and in whatever situation I find myself. (I’m always looking for ways to encourage and bless, even without consciously thinking about it.)

4. I do feel that some things will happen in 2013 to help this mission take a bit more shape. We just don’t know all of what that looks like yet.

So with all this in mind, another goal for this year is to re-craft a mission statement, to verbalize the heart for mission, and to list possible avenues that mission might take. To organize these thoughts and desires in my own mind, even if they aren’t tangibly manifest yet in the “real world.” I think this mission statement needs to accurately reflect the sense of calling that we feel, but keeping open the possibilities for different things we might do to fulfill that calling. Something that helps to clarify our path without constricting us.

Sorry if all this seems ambiguous. It’s sometimes kind of messy here in my mind. 🙂 I suppose that what I am trying to say by all this is that the overarching goal for 2013 is “watch what happens.”

One other thing that is worth mentioning: I have this deep sense of anticipation for the coming year–a strong sense that 2013 will be our best year yet. And that gives me quite a bit of hope amid the uncertainty.

Have a blessed and prosperous new year. Stay tuned…