God, Like It or Not

I had an interesting experience yesterday.

Something you might not know about me is that as an ordained minister, I sometimes officiate weddings. I am called upon at times by a Christian wedding chapel owner to help out with ceremonies where no pastor is pre-selected.

The ceremony I officiated yesterday was the first one I’ve done in which the couple distinctly asked for no official mentions of God. The woman in particular had been raised in a strict religious upbringing, and while I wouldn’t call her anti-God, it was apparent in our pre-marital conversation that she sees God in a stern, disciplinary light, and she wanted her ceremony to be about celebrating the two of them as a couple. It was as though she was afraid to bring God into the picture, like that might cast a shadow on the celebration, somehow.

I understood where she was coming from, probably more than she realized–but it still presented me with a bit of  dilemma. How do I, a Christ-follower who believes that marriage is instituted by God, in good conscience conduct a wedding where all overt mentions of God are omitted? Could I even stand by such a ceremony?  For me, God is an integral part of the marriage covenant, and as silly as it might sound, the idea of omitting Him from the ceremony would feel like a de-legitimization, like the marriage wasn’t even real.  The ceremony I use is loaded with references to God and covenant; if I omitted Him, what would I say?  Perhaps I could use the ceremony from the movie Joe v. the Volcano:

“You wanna marry him?” (Yes.)

“You wanna marry her?” (Yes.)

“You’re married.”

In a sense, my heart broke for this couple, because I felt there was an aspect to their marriage that they wouldn’t be able to tap into. I knew one day their commitment would be challenged, and I wanted desperately for them to know that God was part of their marriage, and that they could call on Him if they needed Him. But I felt there was no way I could say those words without violating their wishes for their wedding.

As I pondered it, though, I felt an assurance that it would somehow be okay.  There was a day not too long ago where I would have recused myself from the role of officiant, but now I see things differently.  I see that Jesus is in places where we don’t expect Him to be, even in places where He is not invited. He might not be mentioned, but He is there.  I have a belief that when people get married, God is there, whether they like it or not, whether the couple even believes in Him or not. God instituted marriage, and He is part of any such union.  And I felt that God would be present in this couple’s union, as well, ever reaching out to them, ever seeking to make Himself known. So despite worrying about what I would actually say…I wrote a version of the ceremony according to their wishes, and in my own heart, I purposely invited God to be present (although He doesn’t actually need invitation).

I allowed the couple to see what I’d written ahead of time, and as it turned out, they were delighted. When I saw the couple on their wedding day, they were genuinely excited about their ceremony. As I watched the bride walk down the aisle, I saw true joy in her face, and all the fear and apprehension I saw during our preliminary meeting was gone from her eyes. I felt as though all she really needed in order to be settled with the whole thing was to have the minister NOT shove God down her throat.  It was actually quite beautiful.

And I felt Someone Else there.

To my surprise, I did not feel muted by the ceremony I’d written. I was as comfortable with it as they were.  I felt like as a believer, I’d offered this couple everything I could, everything they were ready to receive from me.  In speaking to the groom a few minutes before the service, the topic of our preliminary meeting came up, and I even had the opportunity to tell him what I had wanted to tell them both–that God was with them, and they could call on Him when they needed to. It was very well-received.

To me, the most intriguing thing about the Book of Esther in the Bible is that it is the only book in the canon of Scripture that does not overtly mention God. This fact does not stop the Book of Esther from being every bit as inspired and God-infused as the rest of Scripture.  God might be undercover at times, but never absent.  And as the Book of Esther demonstrates–sometimes the work He does unacknowledged is even more significant than the work He does when He is fully recognized and credited.

I don’t believe this couple actually wanted to shut God out of the picture. But even if they did, they couldn’t have.  He is there, whether we like it or not. 🙂