Seems like everyone these days is looking for It. And not really finding It.
On all the TV talent and dance shows, the judges are looking to see who has It. On American Idol this year, it sure seemed like Adam Lambert had It. He stood (literally) head and shoulders above the rest of the pack, and was obviously the judges’ favorite. But he came in second.
A few years ago there was a clever marketing ploy about a new invention they would only call “It.” “It” was supposedly going to be one of those monumental inventions that would change our lives forever and take us a quantum leap forward. Turns out that “It” was the Segway. It didn’t change our lives. It didn’t replace the car or the bicycle. Seems today the Segway is mainly known as that funny-looking thing the mall security guards ride now instead of golf carts. Or that thing George W. Bush fell off of one time. (Wasn’t that great publicity?) Guess “It” wasn’t It, after all.
What’s interesting is that I have spent most of my Christian life looking for It, also. It’s hard to describe, but for many of us Christians, It represents the cutting edge of “what God is doing”, or the catalyst for revival, or that revelation that makes us more enlightened or empowered than the church down the street, or that revival that instantly makes our church the biggest in town. The magic pill that makes Christianity a cinch. You know…”It.”
When my family connected with the Word of Faith movement when I was a kid, I thought we’d found It. It was going to solve all our problems, help us live in victory, help us never get things stolen from us, help us never get sick, and be rich. We just needed to apply It to our lives. But after about 20 years of being exposed to It…I couldn’t help but notice that most of the people going to the conventions all that time were not rich, and still got sick. What’s more, we seemed to struggle with materialism and pride, because It was all about Us and what We needed and wanted. But people still believed that It was going to change things for them, and still gave their money to those who were preaching It. After awhile of trying to apply It during an extended time of trial and testing, and realizing that all It really did for me was add to my fatigue. I still place a high value on faith. But I guess what I thought was It, wasn’t.
When I first experienced speaking in tongues, I thought I’d found It. It empowered me and strengthened me with God’s power. It made me feel sorry for those sorry souls who didn’t have It, who didn’t believe in It, who thought It was from the devil. But even though (don’t misunderstand) I treasure the presence and guidance of Holy Spirit in my life…”It” wasn’t a magic pill that instantly freed me from my struggles with sin and selfishness. And It didn’t make me better than any other Christian.
Then when I experienced renewal and holy laughter, I thought I’d found It. It was great! I truly believed this was the Next Wave, the Next Big Thing, because It really was wonderful. It was God’s way of healing us of all the bad stuff that was on the inside, and for awhile It stopped the church people from fighting each other. It’s hard to argue when you can’t stop laughing. But after awhile, I noticed that we got kind of prideful because we had It and other churches didn’t. I noticed that when God wanted to take us to other places, like repentance and the fear of the Lord, we didn’t want to go. We just wanted Him to keep making us laugh. And I also noticed that whatever this was, It didn’t just make everything better. People got up off the floor, and were soon just as ornery and deceitful as before. I know people have mixed feelings about this, but overall I think God was doing something. It just wasn’t It.
When The Wild One and I learned about worshiping prophetically, and about dance and banners and all that good stuff, we thought we’d found It. For awhile, we were like kids in a candy store; worship became an adventure, and we never knew for sure what was going to happen next. It was what God Was Doing, and truly we experienced transformation, along with others who experienced this with us. It was not only going to usher in the Last Great Move Of God and The Great Harvest of Souls. But…over time, instead of worshiping God, we found ourselves worshiping It–and when we did that, we forgot for awhile what worship truly was. We found that people liked to try and manipulate It for their advantage, and manipulate Us right along with It. And again, It wasn’t a magic pill. So while there have been times when we truly encountered God, and would never trade what we learned, and while this will always be part of us…it turns out that wasn’t It, either.
When we learned about inner healing, we thought we found It. All we had to do was go back into our past and see where we had been wounded, where we made inner vows and judgments, and repent for those, and forgive people, and we would be all Better. When we got over all our stuff, we’d live in freedom. And don’t get me wrong–we have absolutely experienced transformation when God showed us these wounded parts of our soul and helped us deal with them. And we’ve seen it help others as well. But over time, we also noticed that not everyone necessarily wanted to get Better right then, and we got in a lot of trouble when we started digging around uninvited. We also noticed that when people got too introspective for too long, they also became very self-absorbed, and counseling just became the new addiction. We forgot for awhile that part of the way Jesus heals us is when we focus on helping others. And…it turns out that getting Better is actually a lifelong process, not a magic pill. So while I wouldn’t trade this for anything, inner healing wasn’t It.
Time after time, I thought I’d found It. When I learned about spiritual warfare and territorial spirits; when I learned about prayer walking and friendship evangelism; when I found out God was restoring the Apostles to the church (which He is, but it’s just not most of the ones currently claiming to be Them)…all of these were It. I even thought house church was It!
But…none of them were. Not really.
So…where is It? Where could It be?
It’s only been in recent days that it’s occurred to me…I was figuring the whole thing wrong. It finally dawned on me…
There is no It.
I was chasing the elusive magic pill, when what I was really looking for…is a Person.
He is a “Him.”
All that time, I thought I was in pursuit of God, but really I was sort of chasing His shadow. The things I thought were It were quite often legitimate things God was doing, but I was chasing those things, not the Person. Kind of like going into God’s bedroom just to play with His toys.
So after all that time of looking for It, and not finding It…I have given up the search.
So now, when someone comes to me all excited about the Next Big Thing going on, the revival over here, the move of God over there…I no longer worry about what I might be missing. Not saying it’s all fake or anything…just saying I know now that whatever that is, it isn’t It.
Because I’m not looking for It anymore. These days, I’m happy just following after Him.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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It's funny, just this morning someone asked me what I thought the cutting edge of God is. Used those exact words. More in reference to the so-called "house church" movement. After having been through a lot of the things you detailed in your post, I've come to believe that the cutting edge of God is wrestling with my selfish heart. And I think each of us has our own cutting edge with God where we fight, give in, fight, give in, surrender, rebel, while he's just waiting for us to die to self. It's an individual, personal process that we're all going through, but it's definitely not a bandwagon you can jump on. That's just my opinion.
I've been through several of the same experiences as you. Reading this post was a bit scary for me. But thank you for writing it and for reminding us what's really important.
Tina,
Those are good insights, and to me a redemptive use of the now-cliche words "cutting edge." Thanks for chiming in!
Anon.,
Appreciate the feedback. Just trying to put things into perspective. 🙂 God bless.