In participating in Glenn’s synchroblog a couple of days ago, Tera Rose left a comment on my post sharing a negative experience she’d had in trying to do a home fellowship, and asked some excellent questions about house church. They were so good that I felt it was worth writing a post to respond to her. Below is an excerpt of what she wrote:
We thought about 5 years ago we would open our home to worship, read the Bible and serve one to another….We had a worship band in our back yard, we cooked food on the grill- honestly we had a great time of fellowshipping UNTIL…..the discussion came about what we would study in the Bible, who was “mature enough” to teach…..oh good lord, you would think it was like the book Lord of the Flies. Almost like a bunch of kids that left the church because they wanted the annointed position of pastor/ worship leader or prophet. It made me sick. So we ended it. What we had intended to be a time to lift up one for another became a micro-organism of the very church that we had left.
…How does one have a small group fellowship while not reproducing the dysfunction of the large church? How does one allow for the individuals to seek Christ for their own lives- and does one do this? I guess I think I would be interested in being part of a small group- but the few that we visited felt “off” to me and like I said, our experiment went sour quick. I don’t want my hands to create anything that brings harm to anyone. period. Just curious.
If there’s one thing I have learned in this journey, it’s not to give pat answers or formulas. If the church really is changing from a solid to a fluid, then we have to be adaptable, and what works for one might not work for another. All I can do here is share what I believe has worked for us. That said…let me do my best to touch on a few of these points…
How does one have a small group fellowship while not reproducing the dysfunction of the large church?
I think it’s first important to admit that leaving the dysfunction of institutional church will not eliminate the dysfunction in individuals. We who come out of those structures will have to de-construct a lot of that, plus we come with our own personal baggage. People act up, in or out of church buildings. Even with the early church…entire epistles were written to deal with dysfunction in the churches–ALL of which were house churches, by the way. It is possible, however, to avoid the “large-church micro-organism” you encountered, but I think that in itself requires a process of re-thinking. It sounds to me like the reason things turned that way is everyone was still thinking that way.
I think one reason our particular group has weathered the storms without imploding is that we have always had recognized leadership. My wife and I started this, and are still considered the pastors of the group. This was partly incidental, because as I said before, we began as a traditional church and morphed into a house church. And by the way, it took a long time to stop thinking like institutional pastors. But during that transition we never gave up our authority. This might rub some the wrong way who have had negative experiences with leaders, but leadership is still Biblical. Only BAD leadership is wrong. In this process, we have learned a lot about being servant-leaders, and we haven’t always been good at it. At times, we’ve sucked. But we’ve been willing to adapt and change, been willing to humble ourselves and apologize, been willing to be vulnerable and weep openly before people, even been willing to admit when we didn’t know what to do. And in that way, I think we’ve earned the respect of the people who are gathering with us.
I do not believe every small group has to have someone they call “pastor.” And a small-group leader can act more as a moderator and facilitator than be the teacher/prophet. But in my experience, things probably go better if there is some sort of point person, and often that works better if the question of who will lead is answered before the thing even starts.
How does one allow for the individuals to seek Christ for their own lives- and does one do this?
Yes, one does, and one should. Jesus is the Head of the Church, and He shepherds us all. It has never been the role of any pastor, apostolic leader, or otherwise to control the spiritual growth of others–and that’s been a lot of the problem with institutional church throughout the centuries. That wrong attitude has caused a huge amount of co-dependency between church leaders and the people they lead. The Biblical example of leadership always strives to encourage people to seek God for themselves, and learn to hear His voice. It can be messy at times, but in the long run, it is better.
Part of re-thinking for small groups involves changing the way we think about leadership and personal responsibility before God–and what a godly leader actually does. I think people tend to see two extremes–spiritual leaders on one end, and personal discipleship on the other–and feel you cannot have both. In my experience, that’s not true. If a leader isn’t focused on taking personal responsibility for feeding his/her flock, and instead sees their role as a facilitator…leadership can take on a whole different look. It just takes re-thinking leadership, not doing away with it entirely.
We try to encourage active group participation and discussion in our meetings, and we allow for others to teach. One thing we’re exploring now is sometimes to shift away from just doing a teaching/lecture to taking more of a moderator-type position while the group discusses a passage of Scripture, or a topic. In this case, the leader stops spoon-feeding people and enables the body to encourage one another. So far, I’m loving it. I leave the discussion feeling like I’ve been fed by the comments of the others. Just one example of how it can look.
I don’t want my hands to create anything that brings harm to anyone.
That’s a wonderful attitude, but I’m afraid the only way to do that successfully is to isolate yourself from everybody, and that would not be healthy for you–and think of what everyone else would be missing. 🙂 None of us (hopefully) wants to harm anyone, but we are all broken people. If you interact with people, whether as a leader of a group or otherwise…you will get hurt, and you will hurt others. Not getting hurt is not the point. Learning together to repent and to forgive is more the point. If you don’t do anything just because someone might get hurt…you’ll never do anything. So don’t be afraid of the risk of harm to others or yourself, because the risk will be there. The best way to deal with that risk is always to encourage quick forgiveness and repentance, and trust Jesus as the healer when you do get hurt.
Just for the record…I stand with you in shutting down the group in the story you described. The thing about Jesus being the Head of the Church cuts both ways. When people go Lord-of-the-Flies clamoring for leadership, it typcially means they themselves haven’t submitted to Jesus’ headship. I do not trust anyone who acts like that with any form of leadership, because they want it too badly, and are more likely to hurt people. So, good call. But that doesn’t mean at some point you couldn’t try again, with different parameters (and only if you wanted to). And there are many forms it can take, and doesn’t have to be formal–occasional meetings instead of regular ones, or meeting in neutral place like a park or coffee shop. Good, healthy small-groups can and do happen. Beyond any of the stuff I’ve said so far…it just becomes a matter of what works best for you and your community, and sometimes that can be as simple as trial and error.
Hope it helps, and thanks for raising these questions.
Wayward Son
Musician. Composer. Recovering perfectionist. Minister-in-transition. Lover of puns. Hijacker of rock song references. Questioner of the status quo.
I'm not really a rebel. Just a sincere Christ-follower with a thirst for significance that gets me into trouble. My quest has taken me over the fence of institutional Christianity. Here are some of my random thoughts along the way. Read along, join in the conversation. Just be nice.
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Jeff, I so agree with what you have posted here. You answered the questions honestly and with wisdom. I still have questions about joining a group and having to deal with all of the leadership questions. But in time, that will come too.
Thanks Jeff, great post! I’m thankful that you shared as I can glean from your experience.
My husband and I didn’t start anything new (fellowship-wise with other believers). Nobody else was really on the same page with us at the time, so it wasn’t exactly an option. 😛 But we did maintain the friendships we had with a variety of believers from a variety of churches and ministries.
We just approached it from a missional lifestyle in our sphere, and as unbelievers began to accept Jesus, our getting together was a little more focused on foundational scripture study, and teaching/learning to hear God’s voice through practice, and learning how to feed themselves. But relationship had already been the foundation, so we found that ‘church’ coming out of ‘mission’ to be pretty natural.
I would love to hear other people’s stories on this. Maybe you could host a synchroblog on this topic (post-church fellowship? I don’t know what to call it, really).
Jeff,
This is a useful post for the church I attend as the elders wrestle with the group’s future.
There have been changes in the format there, with a Q&A session after the sermon. The men’s Bible study meets in a local coffee shop Saturdays. The fluid dynamic seems present as does the Holy Spirit.
Thanks for your wisdom.
-Sam
Barb & Sam…Thanks for the comments and the continued honesty shown on both your blogs.
Sarah,
I can tell from your writing (both here and on your blog) that you are a Frost/Hirsch fan. 🙂 I have truly gotten much out of their books, and think their ideas of missional living are amazing.
I appreciate you sharing your experience here, because it underscores that there isn’t one right way to do this, nor should there be pressure to start a certain form of gathering. I think it works best when it flows naturally from one’s passion and context–church as you live life. My wife and I are actually doing some soul-searching now, revisiting our own passions, to see how it will re-shape the way we function.
A synchroblog is a good idea to do sometime…but not unless you participate. 🙂 I’m anxious to hear more of your story and ideas.
Jeff-
ok I thought I had a virus in my computer but it was my keyboard going haywire because children typed on it after eating food…. that is why the delay in responding.
first, thankyou for taking the time to process this out, I appreciate you taking the time.
yup, i flinched at the authority stuff.
You said that authority is biblical. Pehaps you can expound upon that…don’t forget to include the cultural contexts.
When I spend time reading the red…I don’t see Jesus being the authority (except over demons and diseases) in the way that I see leadership today.
I think authority needs a paradigm shift.
I didn’t stay too stuck there- I realize that many feel similarly about authority.
I personally prefer the idea of saints gathering together in unity to build each other up- perhaps taking turns to lead a subject of study. Preference isn’t law. Maybe I am becoming quakerish?
I was interested more in the things that you said about dysfunction and about causing other’s harm.
It seems to me that dysfunction as well as hurting others is inevitable as well. I guess I draw some kind of line when hurting others becomes harmful to their lives. Dysfunction has boundaries as well. There is a difference in being human versus being sick emotionally or spiritually. When I was describing dysfunction and bringing harm to others I was intending that to mean at levels deeper than the average “being human”.
but to the end of your thoughts on this you wrote….”It is possible, however, to avoid the “large-church micro-organism” you encountered, but I think that in itself requires a process of re-thinking. It sounds to me like the reason things turned that way is everyone was still thinking that way. “
To this I say, You hit the nail on the head.
Everyone was thinking the way they were previously and seemed unable to shake off the old skin.
I also agreed with this statement
“That wrong attitude has caused a huge amount of co-dependency between church leaders and the people they lead.”
See, I believe that many pastors in the large churches are pastoring the way they themselves have been taught. I believe that they are also victims of spiritual abuse even though some would disagree with me.
I never once thought that my pastor was out to get me. I believe that he believes that he is serving Jesus with his entire being.
It was that belief that made it so difficult to come out of the church. He believed that He was serving God, my husband and I believed that we were serving God- we were going in two different directions and our very “authority” disagreed with our direction.
We also could have left without experiencing any wounds- if we left when we beleive that we heard God tell us to.
However, we wanted to do things in a spirit of excellance and under the proper authority as we knew it. We met with the leadership of our church several times- NOT accusing them, simply stating that we felt called to leave…..
then it became abusive.
I am posting much too much for a comment; so I miss some thoughts.
Thanks for posting.
TR,
Thanks for the comment. Your questions certainly run deep. 🙂
A couple of thoughts on the authority thing (and again, probably deserves its own post at some point)…I think you have it right when you say authority needs a paradigm shift, or perhaps better said, WE need a paradigm shift about authority. I think the reason you flinch over the authority issue is precisely because what most of us have had modeled as “authority” has had very little to do with Jesus’ teaching or example. He warned us not to follow the Gentile model of leadership (lording it over them), but that’s exactly what we have done. Perhaps we would not have so much problem with it if it had not strayed so far off course.
Actually, perhaps a better word to use besides “authority” is “leadership”. Leadership is Biblical. Jesus taught and modeled servant-leadership, and He was a leader because His disciples “followed” Him. It is also apparent throughout the N.T. that the early church looked to certain ones for leadership. The Council in Jerusalem (Acts 15) is a good example. The apostle Paul is another. At times in the epistles, Paul reprimands the Corinthians the way a father would reprimand his children–and apparently they took it from him. And in Romans 12, among the “motivational gifts” Paul lists is “he who rules.” I take this to be that there are those whom God has gifted to take the lead.
So to me…the issues of authority and human leadership cannot be removed from Scripture because we are uncomfortable with them or have had negative experiences. I think we need to de-construct our long-standing assumptions about leadership and re-interpret it according to Scripture. And let me say that because of the extent of spiritual abuse we’ve all encountered–which as a leader I was both a victim and a perpretrator–I fully understand why authority in general is under scrutiny by many people, and I think we need to extend grace to one another while we figure it all out. All I’m saying is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I believe there is a sense of leadership that is healthy and Scriptural. We just need to look to Jesus again to re-teach it to us.
As to the other points in your comment, I find myself in agreement with you on pretty much all of it. Thank you again for your comments, and for making me think.
Thank you fro your post! I am at this place of thinking myself and it was good to read your blog.
Great paragraph!: ” Jesus is the Head of the Church, and He shepherds us all. It has never been the role of any pastor, apostolic leader, or otherwise to control the spiritual growth of others–and that’s been a lot of the problem with institutional church throughout the centuries. That wrong attitude has caused a huge amount of co-dependency between church leaders and the people they lead. The Biblical example of leadership always strives to encourage people to seek God for themselves, and learn to hear His voice. It can be messy at times, but in the long run, it is better.”